tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80855410348843209632023-11-16T00:07:34.437-06:00 She dreams & wishes on thingsNicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.comBlogger158125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-64911528843840157382015-04-07T19:24:00.001-05:002015-04-07T19:24:17.376-05:00Bodhi Haze is 3 months old!<br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At 2 months old</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Did you know that the first 3 months of your child's life is referred to as the 4th trimester? I just recently read about this and I have to say, the 4th trimester is the absolute best! The past 3 months flew by so very fast. It's always sad when the newborn phase comes to an end. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">1st bath out of the sink</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It is very possible that I have a photograph of every single day of both Delilah & Bodhi's lives. </span><span style="font-size: large;">I just can't help myself. These two thrill me. Mr. Bodhi as we call him, is a big flirt. He is a real sweet guy with an abundance of love and affection. He loves baby babble. If you speak his language, and I do, he will have an entire conversation with you filled with big expressions & the very best giggles. </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">St. Patrick's Day</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The love between Bodhi & Delilah is so strong, my heart could just explode. We had hoped to have them closer together in age but in the end, age does not define their love. </span><div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We have been spending a lot of time on the floor these days. Bodhi loves to explore new toys and roll around with them. He is rolling really great from side to side and has his first big roll over coming any day now. Tummy time is now fun time for him. He is so proud when he pushes himself up so high and looks at me with a big grin & giggle. Of course Delilah and I are cheering him on the entire time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Now that spring is here, we have been able to spend some time outside! It always feels so good when you are able to get out with your winter baby and enjoy a nice day. We have been taking some nice strolls which thankfully he loves because mama needs to get her exercise in.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I just can't believe that next month he will be sitting up in the highchair trying out baby cereal for the first time. I'm certain he will love it. He's been eyeing our food for a few weeks now. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Even though he has started to lose some of his dark, curly baby hair, he still has a full head of hair with some sweet curls through his natural mohawk. His new hair is coming in lighter but still brown. I do not think that he will be blonde with porcelain skin like Delilah, but only time will tell. He is a big guy! At his 2 month check up, he was the same size that Delilah was at her 4 month check up. His height is off the charts and his weight is in the 50th percentile. Right now, I think that he looks mostly like me. That will constantly change, but he is definitely my little guy. </span></div>
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Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-19153782003048011402015-03-27T11:20:00.000-05:002015-03-27T11:20:02.618-05:00Home renovation jargon <span style="font-size: large;">Some people say that owning a house is a constant project. Maybe so, but I love a good household project as long as the job gets completed within an acceptable amount of time. When we moved in last September, We didn't have much time before Bodhi's arrival and the cold of winter to get much accomplished but we got a good start at it. We have learned that we need to make a list and prioritize our household projects. I throw a new idea at Patrick everyday and he is a bit overwhelmed with all of my requests, ideas and finish what you started comments. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Before we had this last spring snow storm, we had two weeks of decent weather to get a start on the exterior/spring projects. Daily Patrick says words, term and phrases to me and I have absolutely no idea what he is talking about. I swear, some stuff he throws at me or just totally makes up just to make me crazy. Now I say "just tell me what that is called so I can do a search on Pinterest to find the style/design that I like." There has been a lot of talk about the soffits & fascia of the house as we make some improvements to the exterior before painting the exterior of the house. I know all about the fascia of our bodies but am totally clueless as to what fascia & soffits of the house are, even after he pointed it out to me numerous times. I think I get it now. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We are also remodeling the front door entrance which thanks to pinterest I have learned is called a portico. I thought that it was difficult to pick out a color for the interior of the house, it is a whole other ballgame to find the right color for the exterior of your home. It's not really something that you can do over at least until another 5 years when the house will need to be painted again according to my husband. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Inside we have painted numerous rooms and walls of the house, put down a new wood floor in the family room, demolished a large river rock 70's fireplace wall and built a new fireplace wall and mantel, completely demoed the basement and changed out a few light fixtures. We have a very long list for the interior of the house which includes a complete demo and rebuild of the master bedroom, bath & closet. Right now, the focus is on the exterior as spring approaches. Landscaping is a big project that we are working on. Four large trees that needed to come down have been taken down and removed last fall and one more just last week. Heartbreaking for me but they were a danger to our house and our neighbors. Now we are working on a landscape design which includes a large privacy wall along the new cedar fence that went up last fall. We have years of projects ahead of us, but it is so great to see the evolving changes. I will work on some before and after photos to share. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Oh and when I say "we" I am mostly referring to my husband and some wonderful family and friends who have been so kind and generous to give us a helping hand. I have been mostly the designer and care taker of the children throughout these projects. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">These are some of my Pinterest inspiration photos:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">You can find my Pinterest page here: <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/Nikkimaycapuano/" target="_blank"><span style="color: purple;">https://www.pinterest.com/Nikkimaycapuano/</span></a></span></div>
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<br />Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-35917670558400189132015-03-18T09:45:00.003-05:002015-03-18T09:45:48.941-05:00I'm back! <span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_kaWyBydZOLc2pv6DMH5IwKui6s7qF29s67DAf6EXioLui2bHlNvB2xO5Ru34j2WWarsn8GZU9T0ghaYxf383_efQd-AkIlXnNzJlCGfEu-Tyih6x6-YFpD7ESfX_JscDxOYjuYDbNko/s1600/IMG_3563.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_kaWyBydZOLc2pv6DMH5IwKui6s7qF29s67DAf6EXioLui2bHlNvB2xO5Ru34j2WWarsn8GZU9T0ghaYxf383_efQd-AkIlXnNzJlCGfEu-Tyih6x6-YFpD7ESfX_JscDxOYjuYDbNko/s1600/IMG_3563.jpg" height="281" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm back! Those words relate to so many things right now, not just the fact that I am back to the blog after an unanticipated absence. It has been a long time since I have felt like myself and I'm so happy to be feeling like me again. I still feel like I am in a strangers physical body, but internally, I'm back. The physical stuff I am working very hard on. All of the hard work is paying off, but I still have a long way to go to reach my fitness goals. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Our journey through pregnancy beat me up pretty bad. Emotionally, it was a long road with many bumps. I didn't write much about my pregnancy with Bodhi & his twin because it was a daily struggle for me that I was working through each day. In the end, we have been blessed again with the gift of our beautiful baby boy. The two babies along the road that we will never know will always be on my mind and in my heart. Our story has a happy ending and not everyone who struggles with infertility & miscarriage does. This experience has forever changed me. I am extremely grateful for the blessing in our life. My thoughts & prayers are always with the families who are going through similar struggles. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm excited to get back to start sharing our family photos, adventures & stories. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-28501799675875821592015-01-10T19:42:00.000-06:002015-01-10T19:42:16.791-06:00Bodhi Haze 12/31/14<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">On New Year's Eve our Bodhi Haze entered the world. New Year's has always been my absolute favorite and having this date as Bodhi's birthday is just perfect. It is a year end celebration & the start to a fresh new year filled with adventure, big dreams and wonderment. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When it came to naming Bodhi (boh-dee), giving him a name that honored our journey to him, the loss of our pregnancy just before becoming pregnant with him and the loss of his twin who stayed beside him for the entire pregnancy was very important to me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Bodhi is a Sanskrit name translated as enlightenment and/or awakening. It was under the Bodhi tree where Buddha received enlightenment. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Our Bodhi, my peaceful warrior came into the world at 8 lbs 8 oz and 21 inches. He is 10 days old today and his days are filled with peaceful sleep. When he is awake, he gazes into your eyes, gives you sweet smiles and tells you so many stories with his powerful eyes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My heart is full and at ease now that Bodhi is snuggled into my arms. </span></div>
<br />Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-30467352223657642032014-11-25T12:53:00.000-06:002014-11-25T12:53:50.464-06:0035 weeks: anticipation <span style="font-size: large;">At 35 weeks, I look and feel like I will be going into labor at any moment now. Of course, that doesn't mean that I will but my Dr isn't planning on letting me go past my due date so we have 5 weeks max to go. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am constantly thinking about delivery day and become overwhelmed with emotion. We are extremely blessed and overjoyed to have our baby boy in our arms soon. I have had regular ultrasounds this entire pregnancy because our baby's twin has stayed by his side the entire pregnancy. The ultrasounds are to check the location and size of the twin baby for delivery. We have seen our twin baby at every ultrasound and I am very connected to the baby and I feel that our son is very connected to his twin also. When I deliver our son, we will also have to deliver and say goodbye to our sons twin. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">One year ago we found out that we were expecting. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage on Christmas eve. Almost exactly one year later we will be welcoming our baby boy into the world and saying goodbye to another. Delilah's love and compassion throughout this emotional journey has given me the strength and the ability to heal. I strongly believe that our twin baby will always be a part of me & our son. I believe that our twin baby stayed in place to protect us throughout the remainder of the pregnancy. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">There is an empty feeling that is very difficult to explain that occurs after giving birth. Human life has been developing, living and growing within you for 9 long months. As uncomfortable as that can be with the head spins, kicks, flips and jabs, you become used to it. With every movement you know that your baby is there inside you safe. I know that my heart will be exploding with love, happiness & gratitude as I hold our son in my arms. The empty feeling will eventually fade and we will always love and think of the babies that blessed us in a very different way through loss. </span>Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-74822140529452760322014-11-04T09:43:00.000-06:002014-11-04T09:43:46.240-06:00Halloween 2014 <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigPygKOWfsVZKDUccjL6VzBZlVY8bFiu_5YSM75iOF3ERdHUISnUpH84DKmc3ldweBEOZaG7a3nZJTTjUkjHov3-eGU5wciV7apoKO-tXFt66fkJC3iIvYdPUqkSsdYlOh7BqZkI2yKck/s1600/IMG_4698.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigPygKOWfsVZKDUccjL6VzBZlVY8bFiu_5YSM75iOF3ERdHUISnUpH84DKmc3ldweBEOZaG7a3nZJTTjUkjHov3-eGU5wciV7apoKO-tXFt66fkJC3iIvYdPUqkSsdYlOh7BqZkI2yKck/s1600/IMG_4698.jpg" height="320" width="212" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Halloween was amazing! The weather was cold with howling winds and snow just as it should be on such a festive Halloween day. We had a few Halloween activities so Delilah dressed up in her costume on three separate days. She decided that she wanted to be Strawberry Shortcake this year for Halloween. As a child I also loved Strawberry Shortcake and I was so excited to design her vintage/classic Strawberry Shortcake look. After spending a few days together looking at style ideas online, Delilah told me over and over again that the vintage/classic Strawberry Shortcake outfit was for babies and it just wasn't her style. She has very strong opinions about her personal style. She saw this photo on etsy in a Strawberry Shortcake search and immediately fell in love. She had to have it. This was the exact look that she was going for. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhE90urGkqFq9GeMnJ8oDFerLe6sbOMh3i9XSNyvrq9JYhOuUoP4DS6gFo3e04uFFu98UY1pdkqXOzC9ZaMe83iEmHhWjbSBTvHOzhXpQp_UXkBifd5Udm74de63DMJMePXitJwLIma50/s1600/il_570xN.502616434_xb4i.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhE90urGkqFq9GeMnJ8oDFerLe6sbOMh3i9XSNyvrq9JYhOuUoP4DS6gFo3e04uFFu98UY1pdkqXOzC9ZaMe83iEmHhWjbSBTvHOzhXpQp_UXkBifd5Udm74de63DMJMePXitJwLIma50/s1600/il_570xN.502616434_xb4i.jpg" height="320" width="212" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8zcLjIT_VddFo8evO7i9KvZsT-T7oxUrvQr3gLwJtL_qANs8VLDe2JnaA6uoF_qehXOYqEWidLbSM2AhSDjdlZCT9EtlI90iV2liv-yDpIDf10eE5QBB8OiqsXaTcQnlZNw64oD0wLzE/s1600/il_570xN.502679363_5cho.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8zcLjIT_VddFo8evO7i9KvZsT-T7oxUrvQr3gLwJtL_qANs8VLDe2JnaA6uoF_qehXOYqEWidLbSM2AhSDjdlZCT9EtlI90iV2liv-yDpIDf10eE5QBB8OiqsXaTcQnlZNw64oD0wLzE/s1600/il_570xN.502679363_5cho.jpg" height="320" width="212" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I think that the version that we put together from her inspiration photo turned out even better. She had this dress in her closet that she was recently given from a friend. I had the adorable hat made from a fabulous site on etsy. We found the wig & leg warmers at party city. We had a summer & a winterized look since the weather for our Halloween events fluctuated from 80 & sunny to 30's & snowing. Her shoes for her summer Halloween look were a gift from my brother from Spain. They are her absolute favorite. They are traditional Flamenco dancing shoes. Her dance teacher was very excited & impressed when she showed up to her dance class Halloween class wearing them. My mom made her special Strawberry Shortcake treat bag. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">On the Saturday before Halloween after her Halloween dance class, the town that her dance studio is in had a wonderful trick or treating event in there downtown area. There were hundreds of children in fabulous costumes trick or treating from store to store. The shops were amazing and Delilah had so much fun running from store to store and showing off her look. She was really proud of her costume and loved all of the special attention. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The night before Halloween, she got dressed up again and we went to a nursing home with her dance studio to perform Halloween dances for the residents. There were about 50 adorable little girls ranging from 2-5 in their fabulous costumes. Each class performed a Halloween themed dance and it was extra special. I'm so impressed with her studio for putting together such a wonderful event. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Halloween morning and afternoon Delilah & I spent inside listening to the winds howl while we relaxed and watched Halloween shows and did Halloween activities until Papa came home. </span><span style="font-size: large;">Patrick came home with way to much candy that at 32 weeks pregnant I was definitely going to overdose on. Thankfully he helped me out with that. Trick or treating hours started at 2pm but the trick or</span><span style="font-size: large;"> treater's </span><span style="font-size: large;">really didn't start coming around until 4pm. We left a bowl at the door filled with candy while we went out to trick or treat with Delilah. I was so impressed as I saw so many children come to our door and take two pieces. Not one child dumped the entire bowl into there huge pillow case filled with candy. Delilah ran from door to door so excited. We were out for at least 2hrs in the cold and snow but we didn't make it to that many houses since Delilah spent most of her time socializing with the home owners when they answered their doors. Even though she did not want to come in, we returned home and handed out candy for the last hour of trick or treating. She loved talking to all of the kids, giving them candy and asking the "what you be"? It was adorable. I was highly impressed with our neighborhood. I knew that this would be an amazing neighborhood for trick or treating but it ended up being even more than I anticipated. I can't wait until next year. I can't imagine what big design plans Delilah will have in mind. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-17704186329461317242014-09-26T10:43:00.001-05:002014-09-26T10:43:50.300-05:00Our anniversary at County Line Orchard <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsU16NcXoy58z8UDtMuWrGqdg2hea35XrVQjjRC_lPmCrFng5ul8hFIKMoa5I-K4iSb6DdSdkha7T1_oEGDj2noOmaeFqOiOH7EkeV_mQc_gnycnmFZOWOZDRzJjdtEu3nrxzd9PKvQWs/s1600/IMG_2767.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsU16NcXoy58z8UDtMuWrGqdg2hea35XrVQjjRC_lPmCrFng5ul8hFIKMoa5I-K4iSb6DdSdkha7T1_oEGDj2noOmaeFqOiOH7EkeV_mQc_gnycnmFZOWOZDRzJjdtEu3nrxzd9PKvQWs/s1600/IMG_2767.JPG" height="342" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">For our anniversary on Wednesday, we took a break from new home projects, and Patrick took Delilah and I to County Line Orchard. The orchard was one of our favorite fall activities last year and since they opened a few weeks ago for the season, I couldn't wait to go. It was a beautiful fall day and we had such a great time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Once we arrived, we headed straight to the big red barn for some warm pumpkin and apple donuts and apple cider. The store at the orchard is amazing. You could spend hours in there and spend a fortune. After some delicious fall treats, Delilah and Patrick took a ride on the moo choo train. Last year I rode the train with Delilah but this year being pregnant, it was Patrick's turn to squeeze his long legs in and take the ride through the orchard with her. They loved it and it was highly entertaining to watch from the orchard. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitPt81gcYQCnARRO7uJ64R9F42wPT2VwC0hXm8iw_BibFkDGqk_p7gqx8ntcpMeYXxM1IYXsaNP7d8P51MpNxhpOtnVc5PQDHc0_aUJWCQkjyf2c9HXPc9maS_zoI1c3FJvkXtOjnqpic/s1600/IMG_2896.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitPt81gcYQCnARRO7uJ64R9F42wPT2VwC0hXm8iw_BibFkDGqk_p7gqx8ntcpMeYXxM1IYXsaNP7d8P51MpNxhpOtnVc5PQDHc0_aUJWCQkjyf2c9HXPc9maS_zoI1c3FJvkXtOjnqpic/s1600/IMG_2896.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">After some quick apple picking due to aggressive mosquitoes, we headed to the the kid's farm which is one of the absolute best. You can feed the animals which thrills Delilah. Her only complaint is that you can't get inside the with the animals. She could spend an hour feeding the goats alone and I think that she might have. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">After a run through the hay maze and some toy tractor rides with friends she made at the orchard, we went to see the pumpkins. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When we arrived home that night, I looked through our photos from last years trip. I can't believe how much our baby girl has grown up in the past year. We completed our trip with this photo which we will now take every year, or at least for as long as she lets us. </span></div>
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County Line Orchard 2014</div>
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Count Line Orchard 2013</div>
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Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-378170136200753862014-09-10T10:20:00.001-05:002014-09-10T10:20:45.820-05:00Our new home <span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbPEV4DNVS3EnuEsfVsqahppNlHrIbN5jEHq1wh1lfEgO2v2CSz7vLXQEk9vQ1lRCo0JpzFUej4YnZ0qioFs44XequknVinv3EQYGdU5XmuoCxNkcHYvWbS4vEMg43n2m4olL3eTMsZZg/s1600/IMG_6873.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbPEV4DNVS3EnuEsfVsqahppNlHrIbN5jEHq1wh1lfEgO2v2CSz7vLXQEk9vQ1lRCo0JpzFUej4YnZ0qioFs44XequknVinv3EQYGdU5XmuoCxNkcHYvWbS4vEMg43n2m4olL3eTMsZZg/s1600/IMG_6873.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">We are in our new home and we are so in love with it. We have only been here for a few days, but many projects have already started. Our home has so much character & charm being built in the 1950's with an addition build on in the 70's. Most of the home is updated, but there are many projects and renovations that we have on our list. Our basement is at the top of the list. The basement had not been updated and it has that lovely, musky old home smell. Patrick came home from work the other day, grabbed a beer and an axe and demoed the basement. He had entirely too much fun doing it. Might have been the happiest he has been throughout this entire move. Men really love to destroy stuff. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I keep loosing Delilah. The house is much bigger than I thought and she is having a really good time running through it and finding places to hide from me. At 6 months pregnant, I'm not moving through the house very quickly, certainly not as fast as her, she's a little lightening bolt. I wish that we would have recorded Delilah walking through the house for the first time the night that we moved in. She was here when we looked at the home, but it was someone else's home then and filled with their things. Delilah spent the day with Patrick's parents while the movers were at our new home. That night she came through the house and went in to each room one by one looking for her room. She would walk into a room and say "oh this is so nice Mama", over and over again. It was pretty amazing. When she found her room she was so happy & excited. I'm so grateful that she is happy and at home here. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Much more on our new home to come. I hope to post some before and after shots as we accomplish some of our projects. Special thanks to everyone who gave us a helping hand throughout this process. Every little and big thing has been so much appreciated. </span><br />
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Just a few <a href="http://instagram.com/nikkimaycapuano" target="_blank"><span style="color: magenta;">INSTAGRAM</span></a> photos of Delilah<span style="font-size: large;"> </span>enjoying her new home </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-70490256163133491252014-08-31T19:35:00.002-05:002014-08-31T19:35:49.110-05:00Twelve in 2014: a portrait project <div align="center">
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am very behind on posting my 12 in 2014 photo for this month but since today is the that day of the month, and one of my favorite girls </span><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-size: large;">Jessica </span><span style="font-size: large;">told me I'm overdue for some updates, I'm here for a quick post and a much needed break from packing up for our big move. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This month, we found out that we are having a baby BOY! Delilah was very excited to announce the news of her baby brother. We have given the baby a first name which I am sworn to silence on. We are still working hard on a middle name. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">August: Delilah introducing her baby brother </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-80358001624217166082014-08-10T20:39:00.000-05:002014-08-10T20:39:44.564-05:00Baby Update: 20 weeks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've realized that I have not documented or photographed much of this pregnancy. It makes me sad to think that this child may not have as much to look back on as Delilah does. From this point forward, I intend on being better at that. I think that after the loss of our twin, I was just too fearful to document and photograph. Now that we have made it to 20 weeks, I'm feeling a bit more relaxed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Tomorrow we have our 20 week ultrasound. We are extremely excited to find out if we are having a boy or a girl. With Delilah, I was 100% certain from the very beginning of my pregnancy that she was a girl. With this pregnancy, I felt that we were having a boy & a girl. After losing one of our twins, I just can't say for certain. I still feel them both with me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The heart rate is high just like Delilah ranging from 155-170. My bump is lower and maybe a tad smaller. I'm puffy all over like I was with Delilah. I feel like I am filled with gallons of water. I have come to realize that I will never carry a pregnancy like a supermodel. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Delilah is extremely excited to be a big sister. She gives my belly hugs & kisses every day and asks me when she can rock the baby in her arms. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Patrick will not get in to deep baby name discussions until we know for sure if we are having a boy or a girl. However, after seven ultrasounds already, he believes that the baby looks just like Delilah and is a girl and he really wants another girl. He has a name that he loves that he believes we will name the baby. I have a name that I love that I believe we will name the baby if we are having a girl. They are two different names. If we are having a boy, the baby may never have a name. </span></div>
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<br />Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-49210032229182751582014-08-04T09:47:00.000-05:002014-08-04T09:47:53.677-05:00The story of our new home <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">There is so much going on this month and it is all so very exciting!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">~ We bought a new house ~</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We finally listed our house three weekends ago and it sold in 48hrs. It was a very exciting and a slightly stressful few days. It is a really great story that will hopefully help my husband become a little more of a positive thinker and believer. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Our listing went live on a Friday morning. On Saturday & Sunday we ended up with about seven showings which kept us out of the house the entire weekend. On that Saturday morning, we looked at a house. We loved it and wanted to put in an offer. The house was a brand new listing and we found out that there were already at least three other offers already on the home. The sellers wanted to give everyone a fair chance so they were giving everyone until Monday night at 7pm to get their best offer forward and, they were only accepting non contingent offers which meant that we needed to sell out house by Monday morning. My husband kept telling me "you know that is impossible and we will never get the house", I kept telling him that he needs to believe that we will get the house and that it will all work out. He didn't want me to get my hopes up and I didn't want his negative thinking to ruin our chances. We are very opposite minded.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Our last showing was at 3pm on Sunday, at 4pm we received a call from our realtor that there was an offer on our house. On Monday morning, we signed the contract to sell our house and the contract to put in our best offer on our new house. At 7pm on Monday night we sat with our phones in hand waiting for the call. An hour later we received a call that the home owners were not going to make a decision until the following morning. They were going to sleep on it and we were not going to sleep at all that night. On Tuesday at 1pm we finally received the call that they accepted our offer. It was like we won the grand prize. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In just a couple of years, Delilah will be going to the same elementary school that I went to and the same Jr. high that Patrick & I both went to. I am thrilled about that. She will run wild and play on some of the same streets in the same neighborhoods that I loved so much growing up. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We are moving in 30 days and we are crazy busy organizing, packing and finalizing all of the paperwork that comes with buying and selling a home. Patrick has owned a few homes already, one of which he built. I was a traveling gypsy for 10 years renting and moving all around. This is my first home! The house that we currently live in is the longest place that I have stayed put in since my childhood home that we moved out of when I was 11. I have been here for six years and Patrick says it is our house but it has never felt like my home. It's a wonderful and beautiful house and I am so blessed but it always felt very masculine to me. This is the house that we welcomed Delilah in. I am very attached to her nursery and it is my absolute favorite room in the house. I'm sure that I will feel a little bit of sadness when leaving here, but I am overjoyed with the excitement of our new home which I'm sure will keep me from feeling too much sadness about leaving. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">30 days will be here in the blink of an eye. Hopefully this process will go smoothly because at 5 months pregnant, moving sure is challenging. </span></div>
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<br />Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-28561626425850735982014-07-28T19:32:00.002-05:002014-07-28T19:32:19.340-05:00Twelve in 2014: a portrait project<div align="center">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Delilah: July 2014</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Delilah is halfway to her 3rd birthday! Like most parents, I just can't believe how fast she has gone from a newborn to a wildly energetic toddler filled with excitement, wonder and a magnificent personality. We have been enjoying all things summer and the pool has been a big hit this month. </span><br />
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Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-59325723368575961662014-07-06T20:15:00.001-05:002014-07-06T20:15:45.032-05:004th of July weekend! <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF5fRPAK0y3WJWirOGkzDfBFVf82gOfufJh3_6DwsamU29wFMN0ZcKw6ORG4GeoGRPyj-WM5YbyVnjQ8YMtESYg29M6nRawV197aK4G3eAfhBvg7LVG2CH5ffTy7mD47g8mHQw__YGRtk/s1600/IMG_8739.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF5fRPAK0y3WJWirOGkzDfBFVf82gOfufJh3_6DwsamU29wFMN0ZcKw6ORG4GeoGRPyj-WM5YbyVnjQ8YMtESYg29M6nRawV197aK4G3eAfhBvg7LVG2CH5ffTy7mD47g8mHQw__YGRtk/s1600/IMG_8739.jpg" height="320" width="231" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">I love when holidays fall on a day that extends the weekend and the celebrations last all weekend long. Since I was a teenager, we have gone to the same local 3rd of July festival & fireworks. It was a different kind of night of festivities when I was a teenager and different again in my 20's as it is now that I am a mother. Now it's all about the little ones and it is a fun friends & family night. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Last year my mom made Delilah an amazing 4th of July outfit out of vintage fabric that my aunt sent us. Her outfit was a huge hit last year. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This year, my mom added an extra ruffle to her pants and her top still fit. I was so excited to get another year out of this outfit. Now I'm hoping that we can do the same thing next year. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">On the 4th we went to the 4th of July parade. Patrick's dad marches in the parade for the VFW which is always a very moving & emotional sight to see. The crowd claps & cheers as the men march down the street. Brings a tear to my eye every time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">After the parade we spent the day at Patrick parents swimming, barbecuing and I may have taken a short nap in the sun room, ps... I'm still exhausted.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The rest of our weekend was spent having good times with our fabulous neighbors who always spoil us with their hospitality and wonderful family. I also managed to get a few more naps in and a little bit of shopping. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I hope that your 4th of July weekend was filled with great celebrations.</span></div>
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Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-23357741727373987192014-06-23T12:46:00.000-05:002014-06-23T12:46:15.127-05:00Delilah's first dance recital <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Back in January, just a few days after her 2nd birthday, Delilah started Twinkle Tots dance class. Her dance class is a 45 minute tap & ballet class filled with adorable two & three year old girls. Pat & I both went to class every week to watch her dance. Watching a child dance, filled with joy, individuality and a free spirit is one of the most uplifting & inspiring sights to see. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This six month dance session came to an end with a spectacular summer recital. Delilah had a full dress rehearsal on stage in full costume and makeup the night before the big show. She also had class & individual photos that day. At the dress rehearsal I was waiting in the theater while Delilah was taken backstage without me, for her photos and to wait for her class to take the stage. This was a huge my baby is no longer a baby moment for me. About 30 minutes later Delilah's class came out on the dark stage. The bright stage lights came on and there was my baby squinting her eyes saying "mom, mama" I waived my arms up and said "here I am baby" she gave me the biggest smile, jumped up and down and said "I'm dancing on stage mama!" A star was born. Her class rehearsed their dance twice and Delilah put on a big performance. She did many of the choreographed moves and added many of her own. She received some big cheers and happy laughs from the crowd. Her performance was absolute perfection to me. She came off the stage so excited and so proud of herself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">At the end of her rehearsal day she said to me "again Mama", she couldn't wait to dance on stage again and she got to do it all over again the very next day for her big show which was amazing. Summer classes start this week and Delilah can't wait to get back into class and dance with her friends. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-72685382021683345072014-06-13T19:55:00.001-05:002014-06-13T19:55:25.135-05:00Pregnancy update: Twin b is happy & healthy<span style="font-size: large;">Two weeks after finding out that we lost one of our twins we had another ultrasound to check on our surviving twin b. Two weeks ago I had absolutely no desire to go to this ultrasound appointment. I wasn't sure if they were still going to show me both babies or just the surviving twin. If they only showed me the one, I didn't know how that would make me feel after seeing both of my beautiful babies growing within me. It took me about 10 days to emotionally digest the loss of another baby. I never though that this would happen to us when it happened in December and there was absolutely no thought in my mind that this would happen again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">A couple of days before this ultrasound I was ready and now very much wanting to see our baby. I was very calm and at ease on the way to our appointment. As soon as the ultrasound began, I was looking away from the screen. I finally turned my head to see our beautiful baby (twin b). As soon as my eyes hit the screen, baby b put on a big dance routine. It was the happiest dance that I have ever witnessed. We laughed & cried as our baby seemed to be telling us "look at me, I'm happy & healthy!"</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have now graduated from the fertility specialist and next week I see my regular ob/gyn for my first prenatal visit with him this pregnancy. I'm hoping that this next step will make things start to feel like a regular/normal pregnancy. I'm excited and hopeful to now start being able to share beautiful & happy stories of a pregnancy journey with a very happy ending. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-36570098655786211312014-06-01T19:00:00.000-05:002014-06-01T19:00:17.790-05:00Our twins story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">As I try to cope with the loss of one of our twins, I've been thinking back on the joy that this twin pregnancy brought me. I didn't want the story of our twins to be untold. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">After miscarrying in December, finding out that we were expecting again was extremely exciting. I was overjoyed and certain that this was going to be a successful pregnancy. There was not a thought in my mind that I would miscarry again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I woke up one morning with Delilah by my side. When she opened her eyes she looked at me and said "mama is having two babies, sister please!" I wasn't supposed to take a pregnancy test for a few more days. I was feeling pregnant, it hits me instantly every pregnancy, and I could get her words out of my mind all day. The following morning I took a test and it was instantly positive. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">That morning I went to my Dr and had a blood test. A few hours later I received a call that pregnancy hormones were flowing through my body and my numbers were excellent. They continued to draw my blood every 48hrs and my numbers continued to rise dramatically. I was definitely pregnant and feeling it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Morning/all day sickness came on strong and became so bad that I ended up in the hospital. While in the ER, I had an ultrasound. Our first ultrasound was scheduled with my Dr for the following morning. The ER ultrasound ended up being my first ultrasound for this pregnancy. In the ER, they do not show you or tell you anything during the ultrasound. It was terrifying. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">After one of the sickest days of my life and an all nighter in the ER, I lay freezing in my hospital bed at 5am waiting for the Dr to come in with the ultrasound results from radiology. Finally the Dr came in and said "the BABIES look great!" I was beyond thrilled to be expecting twins! It was an absolute dream come true. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">After a very long night, I was discharged from the hospital just in time to make it to our scheduled ultrasound with my Dr. We were finally able to see our two beautiful babies! They were side by side and absolutely perfect. We saw and heard their heartbeats and their hearts, growth & development were perfect. I was overjoyed and felt like the luckiest girl in the world even though the pregnancy sickness has been absolutely awful. Our next ultrasound was scheduled for two weeks later. My Dr continued to track my hormones with blood test and my numbers continued to be excellent. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This past Thursday we went in for our ultrasound. I was so excited to see our babies again and to see how much they have grown in the past two weeks. Right away both babies came up looking absolutely perfect on the screen. They had grown beautifully and their measurements were absolutely perfect. If you read my last blog post, you know what happen next. One baby's heart stopped beating. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I fell apart over this news. I was looking at my babies side by side so perfect. How is it that ones heart can just stop beating? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The past few days have been extremely difficult. I greatly appreciate all of the sweet messages, support and encouragement. I know that I have to be strong for the other baby, myself, Delilah & my family but I also need to feel this and let myself grieve. </span></div>
Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-27159970172541581182014-05-29T18:35:00.000-05:002014-05-29T18:35:18.704-05:00An announcement filled with love, hope & a very heavy heart<span style="font-size: large;">Today was the day that I planned to announce that we are expecting twins. Sadly, we found out today that one of our beautiful baby's heart stopped beating. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Throughout all of the sickness that I have encountered throughout this pregnancy, I have been overjoyed and beyond blessed to be carrying two babies. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Our babies had been growing beautifully. Seeing the two of them side by side growing together has been a beautiful and amazing experience. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">After miscarrying at Christmas, finding out that we were expecting again three months later and expecting twins I was incredibly overjoyed. I went in to this pregnancy 100% positive. I was determined and confident that I would not experience another miscarriage ever again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Today we experienced another shocking and heartbreaking loss. I'm angry, sad and uneasy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The image of both babies side by side absolutely breaks my heart. When we lost our last pregnancy, the thought that we would never know who that child would have been was heartbreaking. Finding out that we were expecting twins, I felt strongly that the baby that we lost was a part of the two that we were now expecting. Now that we have lost another, the part that hurts the most is looking at the one baby whose heart is still beating and seeing that baby's twin by her/his side without a beating heart. They will never know each other and that thought tears me apart. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We are incredibly blessed to have such a compassionate, loving and understanding daughter. Delilah knows exactly what is going on and her love and understanding fills my broken pieces. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">There is one child growing inside me with a strong and beautiful heart. If you believe in anything, please send this baby and the baby whose heart has stopped love, light and prayers. </span></div>
Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-25759681517316017932014-05-26T09:43:00.000-05:002014-05-26T09:43:08.516-05:00Twelve in 2014: a portrait project <div align="center">
<a href="http://mybabybirds.blogspot.com/2014/01/12-in-2014.html" title="12 in 2014"><img alt="12 in 2014" src="http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j278/Silly_Rabbit_21/122014button_zps8a43826e.jpg" style="border: none;" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">A portrait project</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am very late to posting my 12 in 2014 May photo but at least we are still in the month of May. I have been very quiet on the blog lately but things have been very, very lively around here. There is so much to share and I will be sharing some very exciting news this week. I hope you are all enjoying the Memorial Day weekend!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Delilah: May 2014</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">She dresses herself most days. This has been one of her favorite looks this month. </span></div>
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Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-54617388002314464142014-04-22T10:28:00.000-05:002014-04-22T10:28:20.445-05:00Catching up! A tiny update and our March through photographs. <span style="font-size: large;">Wow, the month of April is flying by. I don't always like when time seems to go so fast, but right now, I welcome it. I have been quiet on here since starting this round of clomid (fertility drugs) on March 31st. It has been going well and I think I have been a bit superstitious to talk about it. We will know soon if this round was a success. We are feeling very hopeful. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As April is coming to a quick end, I realized that I did not post a March in review through photographs. Here are some of our March highlights. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large; text-align: center;">We enjoyed the last couple of big snow storms</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We kept warm with fun play dates with our friends</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We rediscovered the great outdoors as a touch of spring hit the air. This was the 1st time that Delilah rode her trike outside. She has been practicing inside since Christmas and to our surprise she rode it right out the front door and kept on going down the sidewalk. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We celebrated St. Patrick's Day at the parade</span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We ended the month of March with an amazing photo shoot and play date with Snuggles the Bunny. Happy Spring! </span></div>
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Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-52388809301634651832014-04-15T13:39:00.002-05:002014-04-15T13:39:46.579-05:00Twelve in 2014 - April <div align="center">
<a href="http://mybabybirds.blogspot.com/2014/01/12-in-2014.html" title="12 in 2014"><img alt="12 in 2014" src="http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j278/Silly_Rabbit_21/122014button_zps8a43826e.jpg" style="border: none;" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> A </span><span style="font-size: large;">Portrait Project</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We had one of those weekends last weekend that just makes you feel so alive after a very long cold and dark winter. Spring keeps trying to appear and we are so grateful for days like these when we can enjoy the outdoors and fresh spring air. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Spring awakening </span></div>
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Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-65099637001288882712014-04-01T17:30:00.000-05:002014-04-01T17:30:13.911-05:00Hopeful & optimistic as we begin our new fertility plan<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Mondays... I love them, always have. Yesterday (Monday) was the 31st of March. I consider the 31st of March to be the official end of winter. I am usually a BIG fan of winter. This winter was a bit of a challenge though for many reasons. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday, was the beginning of our new fertility plan. I love that it just happened to fall on a Monday. My fertility specialist wanted my body to have three months to heal after our loss before we started up treatment. So here we are, three months later with a fresh new plan. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This is the plan that I have been putting off. Clomid... the fertility drug that I had a few rounds with when trying for Delilah and then went off of due to extreme side effects. It has been a little over three years since I have been on this drug. I have given birth to Delilah and experienced a loss since then. I now believe that whatever side effects come my way with this drug, I can make it through. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday, I had an ultrasound to check that my ovaries are clear and healthy before starting up a drug to stimulate them. Good news, my ovaries are clear. I also had a series of blood draws to check my vitamin D levels, hormone levels and thyroid among other things.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaVTkD2Shr5kQ_HEBDvPEDu7WV3lD8pqODpNFUv71NWDIEBGboA6qiKd2YOXeI3RW2sDEzpKsKCryXCzCt27XOgv1LPw9165YgIpr4LEbInyfPpchV7_T4IYqDLJVXZj2DlhFiiYZiDO4/s1600/IMG_3458.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaVTkD2Shr5kQ_HEBDvPEDu7WV3lD8pqODpNFUv71NWDIEBGboA6qiKd2YOXeI3RW2sDEzpKsKCryXCzCt27XOgv1LPw9165YgIpr4LEbInyfPpchV7_T4IYqDLJVXZj2DlhFiiYZiDO4/s1600/IMG_3458.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">I wasn't surprised when I got the call that I have a vitamin D deficiency. I'm sure the majority of people living in the Chicago land area could use some extra D right now. I made an attempt at getting some D and exercise today while taking Delilah for a stroll and out for some park play. Unfortunately the extreme cold wind had me so bundled up that I couldn't have soaked up the sun. I'll keep taking my supplements and keep trying to get out for some sunny strolls. I ran home from the park pushing the stroller with the wind at my face forcing me back. So I successfully accomplished a good workout and a windburned face. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Back to Monday, last night was day one of five days of clomid. I take it at bedtime so I had a few hours to get myself to a really positive & relaxed place before my first dose. I made myself a cup of hot tea and ran myself a bath. Unfortunately we have been hit by a nasty cold in our house and all three of us are fighting it together. The energy level around here has been pretty low. To my surprise, Delilah decided that she wanted to bathe me. It was one of the sweetest things ever. She did everything for me that I do for her when she takes a bath. Not only was it incrediably sweet, it was super relaxing. Spa like relaxing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">After Pat and Delilah were all tucked in bed, I sat and had a moment with my pill. I came to realize that I have to find a way to love this drug. I have to believe that this drug is going to bring us to the place of a healthy pregnancy & the birth of our child. I said a few words and swallowed it down. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This morning when I woke up, I didn't seem to have any negative side effects. This cold is still dragging me down, but the side effects that I recall from my last time around with clomid have not been an issue today. I'm a bit nauseous, a little crampy and very sleepy. All things that I can handle today. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So today, April 1st, we are feeling hopeful & optimistic as this stage of our treatment begins. </span></div>
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<br />Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-46291601726980332562014-03-27T12:34:00.001-05:002014-03-27T12:34:24.321-05:00Gloomy Thursday thoughts<span style="font-size: large;">It's a gloomy day outside today. The kind of day that makes you want to stay inside, stay in your comfy clothes, eat homemade soup, light some candles and snuggle on the couch. That is exactly what Delilah and I are doing today. She is currently napping and fighting off a cold while I sit at the dining room table with a hot bowl of soup and my thoughts. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This gloomy day is welcomed today as another cycle has ended with a negative test. After weeks of feeling ill from another round of progesterone, now I enter into the withdrawal phase as I go off the progesterone and prepare to start a round of clomid. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I go back and forth in my mind and heart on how much longer I can go on with this. My body is taking a hard hit and it breaks my heart every time that I have to tell Delilah that mommy is sick and I have to rest. I don't want her to see me this way and I don't want her to remember me this way. But I know that she wants this baby just as much as we do and I don't want to give up without knowing that we did absolutely everything that we could for a 2nd child. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">There isn't any part of me that wants to go on clomid. I have tried to find every possible way out but this drug seems to be our only hope. I have to find a way to love and accept this drug. I think about the babies that I personally know who were conceived with the help of clomid. Their sweet faces give me hope and strength for this next round. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Artist: Erik Otto</td></tr>
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Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-87033845611660390582014-03-15T13:11:00.000-05:002014-03-15T13:11:21.927-05:00Physical & emotional healing and enlightenment after miscarrying <span style="font-size: large;"> Over the past three months, I have learned a great deal about myself, through this process of miscarrying, grieving and recovering. In the beginning, I hated my body. I was told by my Dr that my uterus was weak and could not hold my perfectly healthy baby. After over a year of trying again for our second child and then finally becoming pregnant only to miscarry, I was angry. I was really very angry. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I feel my pregnancies instantly and from day one I connect strongly to the child that is growing inside me. Maybe it's the fact that it takes me so long to conceive or maybe that is just my motherly instinct. When I was pregnant with Delilah, my hands were permentry implanted on my lower belly. I was the pregnant girl who could not stop rubbing her own belly. With this pregnancy, we found out at eight weeks that we may lose the baby. From eight weeks until the end at ten weeks, a part of me was numb. I was at rest for two weeks while we waited. Every part of me thought every positive thought I could produce in my mind. I tried my very best to stay calm, strong and positive for the health of myself and my pregnancy. With every test and results call from my Dr the outcome would worsen. I felt my baby fighting to hold on and I wasn't going to give up. Then on the morning of December 23rd, I woke to what I knew was the end. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The process of naturally miscarrying is graphic, and one if not the most heartbreaking experience of my life. I won't go into detail because the heartbreaking truth is one that I wish no women or man should ever bear or witness. Every miscarriage experience is different I'm sure but for me, I was not willing to part with my baby or except the loss. The image of my baby who was the size of my thumb, will forever be with me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">One month later, I was given the ok from my Dr. to try again. I was very eager to get pregnant again, and I was hopeful that this would happen for us quickly. It didn't happen and I once again found myself angry. Now I was angry and dealing with physical pain. After neglecting my body and making myself experience the physical pain that was worsening for weeks I sought treatment and there begins my process of properly healing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Since miscarrying in December, I have been curved inward protecting my empty womb. My shoulders were also rounded forward and inward to protect my heart. I was holding in and protecting the sadness that was within me. Sadness that I did not let myself fully express. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As mothers, we naturally feel and our told often that sadness is not ok to experience when we have already been given the greatest gift of a healthy child. I am beyond blessed and ever so grateful to have Delilah as my daughter. My love for her is overflowing and fills me completely. That being said, this process of infertility and loss is still very stressful and painful at times. I have learned that the grieving process is a healthy one and that as a mother it is still ok to feel sadness over this topic and experience. I am not at all spending my days alone, in bed sobbing. To the contrary, my days are filled with happiness & laughter. It is impossible to not smile and giggle in the presence of Delilah. But there are some days when I am sitting alone that I do feel sadness over this journey. Over the past few weeks throughout the process of healing the physical pain that my body was producing, I have learned that allowing myself to feel sadness and to accept it is not only ok but a necessary emotion needed to be expressed to move forward. Since this enlightenment, I am physically and emotionally feeling so much better. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Once again we are moving forward and still very hopeful that someday we will be blessed with another child. </span><br />
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Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8085541034884320963.post-70817709078537015982014-03-01T15:29:00.001-06:002014-03-01T15:29:31.318-06:00February in review: Through Photographs <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRVezv4Wm9jh8RP7YkL1RxxWO82Jf7iYmZh9KiNMbC8AY0zXoXebyPH5tkVDf4C7EMRArbbXh4g3esB06mQ0oPDZq0xwzsLIOJxVCYMenX749Bu8AJkXoiPoMnopUCFMFE__QYhCI-I08/s1600/IMG_1589.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRVezv4Wm9jh8RP7YkL1RxxWO82Jf7iYmZh9KiNMbC8AY0zXoXebyPH5tkVDf4C7EMRArbbXh4g3esB06mQ0oPDZq0xwzsLIOJxVCYMenX749Bu8AJkXoiPoMnopUCFMFE__QYhCI-I08/s1600/IMG_1589.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn4GOS59b9WyqycpN9wJCE0zydIkUL3alocrrBVpFN0nJ5ABhrcsGgdmXj9L72hyphenhyphenApJylVCcu4cyW2Qlot4L_Wd0fpNXSgqQ7HGtWl1s4Ubdq6Ij2-QvQZa3-xiuZV5SGXEXEPStVFdS8/s1600/IMG_0653.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn4GOS59b9WyqycpN9wJCE0zydIkUL3alocrrBVpFN0nJ5ABhrcsGgdmXj9L72hyphenhyphenApJylVCcu4cyW2Qlot4L_Wd0fpNXSgqQ7HGtWl1s4Ubdq6Ij2-QvQZa3-xiuZV5SGXEXEPStVFdS8/s1600/IMG_0653.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">On Monday I went to see my chiropractor, who is the very best. I was so locked up that I was difficult to manipulate. Afterwards I was sore as expected. Throughout the week I physically did the things that I needed to do on my end.. ice, heat, epsom salt baths, exercises etc.. Things were moving in the right direction but the pain in my body was still very intense. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Tonight I went back in for treatment. Somewhere during my massage treatment it hit me. Something that I am so familiar with. Something that as a massage therapist myself is a huge part of the treatments that I give and something that as a client I have experienced before. Emotional release! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As therapists, no matter how educated we are and how much experience we have, when it comes to our own bodies and our own emotions we tend to neglect ourselves at times just like everybody else.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Tonight I realized that I am still grieving over the miscarriage. My body has been holing onto a lot of the anger that I have not let myself express. I was in such a hurry to move forward that I did not give myself the time that I needed to heal. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">There is so much to be said for how much we can all learn from our bodies. My muscles have had a tight grip on my ribs for some time now. I got to the point where I physically could not breathe. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">After a very healing treatment tonight including a good cry, I feel like my body has started to let go of the emotional hold it has had on me. I know that this process of healing is going to take some time, but I am so grateful to have had this breakthrough tonight. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Nicolette May Capuanohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252485730568880051noreply@blogger.com0