Bodhi Haze 12/31/14

Hello World! 

On New Year's Eve our Bodhi Haze entered the world. New Year's has always been my absolute favorite and having this date as Bodhi's birthday is just perfect. It is a year end celebration & the start to a fresh new year filled with adventure, big dreams and wonderment. 

When it came to naming Bodhi (boh-dee), giving him a name that honored our journey to him, the loss of our pregnancy just before becoming pregnant with him and the loss of his twin who stayed beside him for the entire pregnancy was very important to me. 

Bodhi is a Sanskrit name translated as enlightenment and/or awakening. It was under the Bodhi tree where Buddha received enlightenment. 

Our Bodhi, my peaceful warrior came into the world at 8 lbs 8 oz and 21 inches. He is 10 days old today and his days are filled with peaceful sleep. When he is awake, he gazes into your eyes, gives you sweet smiles and tells you so many stories with his powerful eyes. 

My heart is full and at ease now that Bodhi is snuggled into my arms. 

35 weeks: anticipation

At 35 weeks, I look and feel like I will be going into labor at any moment now. Of course, that doesn't mean that I will but my Dr isn't planning on letting me go past my due date so we have 5 weeks max to go. 

I am constantly thinking about delivery day and become overwhelmed with emotion. We are extremely blessed and overjoyed to have our baby boy in our arms soon. I have had regular ultrasounds this entire pregnancy because our baby's twin has stayed by his side the entire pregnancy. The ultrasounds are to check the location and size of the twin baby for delivery. We have seen our twin baby at every ultrasound and I am very connected to the baby and I feel that our son is very connected to his twin also. When I deliver our son, we will also have to deliver and say goodbye to our sons twin. 

One year ago we found out that we were expecting. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage on Christmas eve. Almost exactly one year later we will be welcoming our baby boy into the world and saying goodbye to another. Delilah's love and compassion throughout this emotional journey has given me the strength and the ability to heal. I strongly believe that our twin baby will always be a part of me & our son. I believe that our twin baby stayed in place to protect us throughout the remainder of the pregnancy. 

There is an empty feeling that is very difficult to explain that occurs after giving birth. Human life has been developing, living and growing within you for 9 long months. As uncomfortable as that can be with the head spins, kicks, flips and jabs, you become used to it. With every movement you know that your baby is there inside you safe. I know that my heart will be exploding with love, happiness &  gratitude as I hold our son in my arms. The empty feeling will eventually fade and we will always love and think of the babies that blessed us in a very different way through loss.  

Halloween 2014

Halloween was amazing! The weather was cold with howling winds and snow just as it should be on such a festive Halloween day. We had a few Halloween activities so Delilah dressed up in her costume on three separate days. She decided that she wanted to be Strawberry Shortcake this year for Halloween. As a child I also loved Strawberry Shortcake and I was so excited to design her vintage/classic Strawberry Shortcake look. After spending a few days together looking at style ideas online, Delilah told me over and over again that the vintage/classic Strawberry Shortcake outfit was for babies and it just wasn't her style. She has very strong opinions about her personal style. She saw this photo on etsy in a Strawberry Shortcake search and immediately fell in love. She had to have it. This was the exact look that she was going for. 

I think that the version that we put together from her inspiration photo turned out even better. She had this dress in her closet that she was recently given from a friend. I had the adorable hat made from a fabulous site on etsy. We found the wig & leg warmers at party city. We had a summer & a winterized look since the weather for our Halloween events fluctuated from 80 & sunny to 30's & snowing. Her shoes for her summer Halloween look were a gift from my brother from Spain. They are her absolute favorite. They are traditional Flamenco dancing shoes. Her dance teacher was very excited & impressed when she showed up to her dance class Halloween class wearing them. My mom made her special Strawberry Shortcake treat bag. 

 On the Saturday before Halloween after her Halloween dance class, the town that her dance studio is in had a wonderful trick or treating event in there downtown area. There were hundreds of children in fabulous costumes trick or treating from store to store. The shops were amazing and Delilah had so much fun running from store to store and showing off her look. She was really proud of her costume and loved all of the special attention. 

The night before Halloween, she got dressed up again and we went to a nursing home with her dance studio to perform Halloween dances for the residents. There were about 50 adorable little girls ranging from 2-5 in their fabulous costumes. Each class performed a Halloween themed dance and it was extra special. I'm so impressed with her studio for putting together such a wonderful event. 

Halloween morning and afternoon Delilah & I spent inside listening to the winds howl while we relaxed and watched Halloween shows and did Halloween activities until Papa came home. Patrick came home with way to much candy that at 32 weeks pregnant I was definitely going to overdose on. Thankfully he helped me out with that. Trick or treating hours started at 2pm but the trick or treater's really didn't start coming around until 4pm. We left a bowl at the door filled with candy while we went out to trick or treat with Delilah. I was so impressed as I saw so many children come to our door and take two pieces. Not one child dumped the entire bowl into there huge pillow case filled with candy. Delilah ran from door to door so excited. We were out for at least 2hrs in the cold and snow but we didn't make it to that many houses since Delilah spent most of her time socializing with the home owners when they answered their doors. Even though she did not want to come in, we returned home and handed out candy for the last hour of trick or treating. She loved talking to all of the kids, giving them candy and asking the "what you be"? It was adorable. I was highly impressed with our neighborhood. I knew that this would be an amazing neighborhood for trick or treating but it ended up being even more than I anticipated. I can't wait until next year. I can't imagine what big design plans Delilah will have in mind. 

Our anniversary at County Line Orchard

For our anniversary on Wednesday, we took a break from new home projects, and Patrick took Delilah and I to County Line Orchard. The orchard was one of our favorite fall activities last year and since they opened a few weeks ago for the season, I couldn't wait to go. It was a beautiful fall day and we had such a great time. 

Once we arrived, we headed straight to the big red barn for some warm pumpkin and apple donuts and apple cider. The store at the orchard is amazing. You could spend hours in there and spend a fortune. After some delicious fall treats, Delilah and Patrick took a ride on the moo choo train. Last year I rode the train with Delilah but this year being pregnant, it was Patrick's turn to squeeze his long legs in and take the ride through the orchard with her. They loved it and it was highly entertaining to watch from the orchard. 

After some quick apple picking due to aggressive mosquitoes, we headed to the the kid's farm which is one of the absolute best. You can feed the animals which thrills Delilah. Her only complaint is that you can't get inside the with the animals. She could spend an hour feeding the goats alone and I think that she might have. 

After a run through the hay maze and some toy tractor rides with friends she made at the orchard, we went to see the pumpkins. 

When we arrived home that night, I looked through our photos from last years trip. I can't believe how much our baby girl has grown up in the past year. We completed our trip with this photo which we will now take every year, or at least for as long as she lets us. 

County Line Orchard 2014

Count Line Orchard 2013

Our new home

We are in our new home and we are so in love with it. We have only been here for a few days, but many projects have already started. Our home has so much character & charm being built in the 1950's with an addition build on in the 70's. Most of the home is updated, but there are many projects and renovations that we have on our list. Our basement is at the top of the list. The basement had not been updated and it has that lovely, musky old home smell. Patrick came home from work the other day, grabbed a beer and an axe and demoed the basement. He had entirely too much fun doing it. Might have been the happiest he has been throughout this entire move. Men really love to destroy stuff. 

I keep loosing Delilah. The house is much bigger than I thought and she is having a really good time running through it and finding places to hide from me. At 6 months pregnant, I'm not moving through the house very quickly, certainly not as fast as her, she's a little lightening bolt. I wish that we would have recorded Delilah walking through the house for the first time the night that we moved in. She was here when we looked at the home, but it was someone else's home then and filled with their things. Delilah spent the day with Patrick's parents while the movers were at our new home. That night she came through the house and went in to each room one by one looking for her room. She would walk into a room and say "oh this is so nice Mama", over and over again. It was pretty amazing. When she found her room she was so happy & excited. I'm so grateful that she is happy and at home here. 

Much more on our new home to come. I hope to post some before and after shots as we accomplish some of our projects. Special thanks to everyone who gave us a helping hand throughout this process. Every little and big thing has been so much appreciated. 

Just a few INSTAGRAM photos of Delilah enjoying her new home 

Twelve in 2014: a portrait project

I am very behind on posting my 12 in 2014 photo for this month but since today is the that day of the month, and one of my favorite girls Jessica told me I'm overdue for some updates, I'm here for a quick post and a much needed break from packing up for our big move. 

This month, we found out that we are having a baby BOY! Delilah was very excited to announce the news of her baby brother. We have given the baby a first name which I am sworn to silence on. We are still working hard on a middle name. 

August: Delilah introducing her baby brother 

Baby Update: 20 weeks

I've realized that I have not documented or photographed much of this pregnancy. It makes me sad to think that this child may not have as much to look back on as Delilah does. From this point forward, I intend on being better at that. I think that after the loss of our twin, I was just too fearful to document and photograph. Now that we have made it to 20 weeks, I'm feeling a bit more relaxed. 

Tomorrow we have our 20 week ultrasound. We are extremely excited to find out if we are having a boy or a girl. With Delilah, I was 100% certain from the very beginning of my pregnancy that she was a girl. With this pregnancy, I felt that we were having a boy & a girl. After losing one of our twins, I just can't say for certain. I still feel them both with me. 

The heart rate is high just like Delilah ranging from 155-170. My bump is lower and maybe a tad smaller. I'm puffy all over like I was with Delilah. I feel like I am filled with gallons of water. I have come to realize that I will never carry a pregnancy like a supermodel. 

Delilah is extremely excited to be a big sister. She gives my belly hugs & kisses every day and asks me when she can rock the baby in her arms. 

Patrick will not get in to deep baby name discussions until we know for sure if we are having a boy or a girl. However, after seven ultrasounds already, he believes that the baby looks just like Delilah and is a girl and he really wants another girl. He has a name that he loves that he believes we will name the baby. I have a name that I love that I believe we will name the baby if we are having a girl. They are two different names. If we are having a boy, the baby may never have a name.