I forgot to breathe

The moment that I got into bed last Monday night I was hit with excruciating pain. I rolled onto my right side and it was as if someone injected me with a needle full of pain. I was up all night and I couldn't do anything to escape the pain. Thankfully I have the worlds greatest chiropractor who so generously rescued me.

My body has consistently had a slap in the face way of getting my attention when I am neglecting it. I am fully aware of the warning signs that are sent out before I get completely knocked out but sometimes life gets in the way and we put ourselves and our health on the back burner. 

During my office visit I said to Tim my chiropractor "I really wish my body would stop failing me!" As soon as the words came out of my mouth, my next sentence hit me and I quickly added, "Or, maybe I'm failing my body". 

I also mentioned to Tim that I felt like I had been handling my "stress" aka infertility better this time around. He then asked "are you breathing?" I placed my hands on my belly to take a deep belly breath and was surprised to find that no, I have not been breathing. By not breathing, I mean not properly breathing. Breathing from the belly (diaphragm). I realized that my last proper breath was my most important breath, the breath that brought Delilah into the world. 

My Dr. who has been delivering babies for 20+ years was so impressed with my breathing technique, he still talks about it when I see him. Delilah was in distress and the room flooded with nurses and Dr's who set up for an emergency c-section. Her heart rate was rapidly dropping, the cord was double wrapped around her neck and she was sunny side up. While the room was frantically preparing for a c-section which I desperately did not want to have, my Dr. successfully turned Delilah and her heart rate came back up a little. He asked me if I wanted to try just one push and I said yes. Knowing that I had one shot at this, one shot to deliver my baby with my breath, I gave it my all. With that first breath she flourished and in three breaths, she was on my chest and in my arms. I was silent, and those where the best three breaths that I have ever taken. 

That day, I became a mother to a daughter of my very own. We spent 5 days in the hospital with her due to jaundice. Then we came home and her life was in our hands. Having a child is the greatest gift in the world. There are so many sacrifices worth taking. You do not have nearly as much time or energy to invest in yourself as you had the day before your child was born. 

One of the best things that we can do for our children is take care of ourselves. If we are not well, we can not give our all. Sometimes we think that we are doing our best but then something happens and we realize that we can do better.

I thought that I was doing pretty well handling stress and taking care of myself and I have been but, I can do better. The fact that I have stopped focusing on my breath is really ridiculous. I have spent the last 13 years of my like in the wellness field. I am a trained yoga and pilates instructor and a massage therapist. I have taken many educational courses on breathing and instructed people on how to breath. Somewhere, I stopped listening to myself. 

I am still a working massage therapist. I take clients twice a week after Patrick arrives home from work. A few years back, I stopped teaching yoga and pilates and strictly worked as a massage therapist. I have realized that I need the balance of yoga, pilates and massage to keep my body, mind and spirit in balance. I plan to get back to my personal yoga and pilates routine and to further my education in yoga and pilates and start instructing again. My body can not fail me if I do not fail my body.