On the day that this photo was taken, December 1st I was pregnant with our 2nd child. We were up north at a Christmas tree farm and it was one of our happiest days as a family. My husband looked at me in a field of trees and said "wow you are pregnant", he saw the glow.
After over a year of trying for baby #2, we were over the moon excited over this pregnancy and our hearts were filled with an abundance of joy. We had not yet shared the news with our family and friends as I was still in my first trimester.
On December 14th we had a little early birthday celebration at our house for Delilah's upcoming 2nd birthday. When Delilah blew out her birthday candles we shared the news that we were expecting with our family and close friends. We had my mom & dad live on FaceTime since they could not be here with us. It was an exciting and beautiful moment.
The next morning, December 15th I had a small bleed. Patrick was certain that it was nothing to worry about and that this was a normal part of a 2nd pregnancy. I got into bed and cried as my heart broke into a thousand pieces. I knew in my heart that something was wrong.
The next day I had an ultrasound and blood test. We saw our baby on the screen and a bleed next to the baby. Now we had to sit and wait for radiology and lab to come back with result.
On the night of my birthday, December 17th my Dr called and gave us the news. Somewhere in the middle of that conversation and the abundance of grim information, everything became a blur.
My lining was weak and not supporting the pregnancy. My progesterone & hcg levels were very low. I was immediately prescribed progesterone and given a 50/50 chance that this pregnancy would survive. This was a perfectly healthy baby, my baby and my body was not supporting it. The only thing that I could do was rest, wait and pray.
Every 48hrs I had my blood drawn to test my levels. Every other day my Dr would call and the news was worse with each call. On December 19th he called and told me that he was 90% certain that I would miscarry.
I continued to rest, wait and pray with a very heavy heart.
8 days after the small bleed, On December 23rd I miscarried.
This has been terribly painful and heartbreaking. This process is very long. I continue to have my blood drawn as my Dr must now track my levels down to zero. Last night I had another ultrasound where we saw an empty screen.
There are some incredibly strong women in my life who have shared their stories with me. Their strength has lifted me through this. I will be forever grateful for all of the love and support that we have been given.
We have the most loving and compassionate child. I did not want her to be witness to this or to see and feel my sadness. It was not possible to keep her from all of this. Having her by my side has given me strength that I never had before she was in my life. She held my face in her hands, looked deep into my eyes, wiped every tear away and told me "it will be ok mommy".
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