Digging Deep

I have recently been digging deep and looking for the good in the bad that we experienced a few weeks ago. I have had many inspiring conversations with some wonderful friends. I so much appreciate all of the ears that have been here to listen and the eyes and fingers that shared so many texts and messages. I have learned more about myself and more about many important people in my life. 

Digging deep is bringing me back to me. There are so many wonderful things that come with becoming a wife & mother. I wouldn't change any of it but I have realized that these past few years I have lost a little bit of me. There are parts of me, parts of my daily life that I need to always make time for and never let go of. Caring for Delilah is the most important thing in my life but when you are caring for others, you must never let go of caring for yourself. 

I lived alone for 10 years of my life. In those 10 years of my life, I had a whole lot of time to be me. I had responsibilities, jobs, bills, friendships and relationships but every morning when I woke up, I had the ability to do whatever I wanted. When I wanted to pick up and move, I did. In fact, I moved every year of those 10 years. I wandered but I was not lost. Back then, I handled heartache, fear and disappointment much differently that I find myself handling it now. I credit that to being older, wiser and having stability in my life.

But, when it was just me, all of the space was mine. All of the space was my sacred, spiritual space. I haven't learned how to find my sacred, spiritual place in my current living space. When Patrick & I met, he owned this home. Its a very nice home, but it never felt like my home. It was very much a bachelor home when I moved in and we warmed it up with some of my influence but we always planned on selling and never planned on being here as long as we have been. 

We are selling now and we are on the hunt to find a place to call our home. A place that has that special place for all of us to feel connected and to disconnect when needed. Patrick's place to disconnect is definitely the garage. Me, I need a space that is all my own. A place where I can heal and be healed. A place where I can meditate, practice yoga and give and receive massage. A space that smells of incense, oils and me. A place where I can quietly read, think, create and connect to my spiritual self. 

For now, I have to create that space within myself. Last night I pulled out one of many storage bins filled with spiritual books. I have not given myself the time to sit quietly and read an inspiring book in much too long. I pulled out Urban Shaman, found a quiet place and sat alone to read. I read until my eyes closed. Now, I am going to pick up my book, find my quiet place and sit down alone to read myself to sleep. 

One good that I have learned from this bad is that it is more than ok and very important to make some time for yourself to just be.