Gloomy Thursday thoughts

It's a gloomy day outside today. The kind of day that makes you want to stay inside, stay in your comfy clothes, eat homemade soup, light some candles and snuggle on the couch. That is exactly what Delilah and I are doing today. She is currently napping and fighting off a cold while I sit at the dining room table with a hot bowl of soup and my thoughts. 

This gloomy day is welcomed today as another cycle has ended with a negative test. After weeks of feeling ill from another round of progesterone, now I enter into the withdrawal phase as I go off the progesterone and prepare to start a round of clomid. 

I go back and forth in my mind and heart on how much longer I can go on with this. My body is taking a hard hit and it breaks my heart every time that I have to tell Delilah that mommy is sick and I have to rest. I don't want her to see me this way and I don't want her to remember me this way. But I know that she wants this baby just as much as we do and I don't want to give up without knowing that we did absolutely everything that we could for a 2nd child. 

There isn't any part of me that wants to go on clomid. I have tried to find every possible way out but this drug seems to be our only hope. I have to find a way to love and accept this drug. I think about the babies that I personally know who were conceived with the help of clomid. Their sweet faces give me hope and strength for this next round. 

Artist: Erik Otto