Home Sweet Home.

Our house will be listed very soon and we have started the hunt for our perfect home. I am very, very grateful for the house that Patrick has provided us, but I have never felt like it was our family home. When I moved it, it was very bare and very masculine however, very nice. Patrick is somewhat of a minimalist and he likes things in order and always very clean which I appreciate. He does not like anything out of its place or clutter in any space. He has softened up a lot since the dog and then baby arrived. Some things are just out of your control, but I do my best to keep things clean and organized but Patrick is usually a step ahead of me on that. Along with his great cooking skills, he is very skilled with cleaning, I know, I'm very lucky to have a husband who cooks and cleans, he also grocery shops. 

Finding a place for our family to call home is a very big deal to me. I have not had a place that I have felt completely at home since my childhood home that we moved out of when I was 11. Since then, I have been here, there and just about everywhere. The life that I lived made me who I am today and I am proud of that person but I do not wish these same circumstances on our children. I want them to always feel at home. To always have a home that they love. A home full of family and friends that they love. A home where they feel completely safe. A home where they will create memories that will last a lifetime. I'm not sure that the home that we buy next will be our forever home, in fact I'm sure we will move again at some point, but we plan to spend the next 10 years in this home creating wonderful memories that we can carry with us to our next family home. 

I have never sold a house, as we are preparing to sell ours now, or shopped for a home as we have started to do. We will be renting a storage unit to fill with excess furniture and storage bins to make the house as model looking as possible. I hope that we will not have to live this way for too long as I will miss being surrounded by family photos, nick nacks and trinkets and the bareness of the house may seem slightly depressing. Patrick is thrilled to get a great deal of out things out of our house and for things to be very minimal again. I am hoping to purge myself of many things like the bins and bins of clothes that I have not worn in years and should probably never wear again. Since I was 11, I have lived in over 10 different places. You would think that I would have accumulated much less. 

I am expecting that it will take some time for our house to sell and that we will look at many, many homes before finding our perfect match. Hopefully it will be a smooth process. 

For the love of our Dog.

It was definitely love at first sight when we walked into the shelter and met Ellie-mae for the first time. We had talked about getting a dog for a long time and Ellie-mae was the only dog that I sent information and pictures about to Patrick that got Patrick to say "YES, lets go meet her." That was a little over 2 1/2 years ago and our love for her has continued to grow everyday. 

Day 1! Car ride home after spaying.

When we adopted Ellie we promised to take excellent care of her and vowed to give her the very best life that we could provide for her and I think that so far we have done a pretty fantastic job.

We brought her home after she had been spayed. She was still pretty doped up and I'm sure in some pain and totally confused. We had a welcome basket full of gifts and necessities for her. We wanted her to feel at home. Needless to say we spoiled her like crazy. Just look at those ears and eyes. How could you not fall madly in love with her. 

It was very clear to us that in her first 5 months of life, before she came to us, she had been abused. We wanted her to feel safe and loved. We ended up creating a bit of an issue and have ended up with a dog who is amazing the majority of the time but also has some very bad habits and emotional issues that desperately needed correction. 

The addition of the baby in the house has seemed to have caused some jealousy and Ellie-mae's behavior was becoming more of an issue every day. She definitely loves the baby and is extremely over protective of her. Now that Delilah is walking, she is also afraid of the baby when she comes charging at her swinging her arms and toys. We have never thought that Ellie would harm the baby in any way but Ellie's food aggression made us very nervous. Delilah loves to share her food with the puppy and Ellie is very gentle when taking something from her hand (which we try to avoid) but Delilah loves to share. 

When Patrick, Delilah and I were all in the house Ellie is a wonderful dog. When Patrick would leave in the morning to go to work and for the 12 hrs that he is gone I was dealing with a dog who now had complete control over me and the entire house. I became fearful of a dog that I was so much in love with. 

Taking care of me while I was 9 months pregnant.

Ellie-mae has so many amazing qualities and characteristics but she is very difficult to train. She is very stubborn and set in her ways. Her past abuse was our biggest hurdle to jump through when finding the proper method of training her. She can be very dominating but she is also extremely fearful. It breaks my heart when she shows her fear towards just a simple action of putting on her leash. 

I understood her emotional issues and her reasons for behaving the way that she did. I truly believed that with the right guidance that she could get past this and live a long happy, healthy life and no longer need to guard herself and be fearful that someone was going to hurt her. Just like humans, things happen in life that cause us to behave in a certain way. I went through many struggles in my past and I am pretty proud of the person who I am today. I was not going to give up on my dog.

We were introduced to an amazing man on Sunday who came to our home to work with us and Ellie-Mae. I wont go to deep into my spiritual beliefs but I truly believe that he was spiritually connected to Ellie. He was not just your average man. There was an amazing animal spirit to him. He worked with Ellie and worked with us. He put Ellie in my hands and guided me. I'm so absolutely thrilled to say that life at home with Ellie has completely turned around since Sunday. We once again live in a peaceful, happy home with a puppy who is well on her way to emotional freedom. 

12 months old!

Today, Delilah finally had her 12m well visit. Why so late you ask? Her 12m well visit and this 12m post are happening 1 day before she turns 13 months because we have spent the entire month of January being sick, sick and sick some more. We are so happy for this new month and to be feeling good again. 

While all three of us were sick, we introduced Delilah to Winnie the Pooh the movie. She is now absolutely obsessed with Winnie the Pooh. She sings, claps and bounces up and down the minute the movie comes on. She will do anything you need her to do if you offer her Winnie the Pooh. We do not plan on using bribery and movie entertainment as a form of babysitting, but when mom, dad and baby are so terribly sick, Winnie the Pooh saves the day. 

Along with 2 illness's this month, Delilah also sprouted 3 new teeth. All at once of course just like her first 4. These 3 didn't seem to give her as much trouble coming in as the first 4 did but it is hard to say since she had so much more going on at the time.

 She is off the bottle, but still takes a sippy cup for bedtime. We have been putting up a big fight with her to get her down for bed without it and she always wins the battle. 

She is still obsession with my hair. She twirls it to soothe herself but it is not sweet anymore. Well maybe it is a little sweet. Along with the twirling she pulls and pulls very hard. I have sacrificed a lot of hair for her to be soothed but it needs to come to an end and this battle I will win or else I will be bald very, very soon. 

Our pediatrician pointed it out during our sick visit a few weeks ago. I was holding her after he checked her out and she was sucking her thumb and twirling my hair with her other hand. It didn't even phase me at the time since it happens so much. He asked "is this her thing?" He told me that it needs to stop and that he has a women who has a 3 year old that still needs her hair to sleep. He told me that I will not be that women. Today at her well visit, after her shots, Delilah showed him how much progress she has made on the hair situation, none. 

Our pediatrician is amazing. I enjoy every minute he spends with us and he spends a lot of time with us. I love that after he examines  her that he casual sits and chats with us and seems to really enjoy us. 

Delilah has made big, big progress on her growth. He says that she is going through a big growth spurt. He was very excited as he went over her growth chart with us. In her first six months her weight was always around the 7 percentile. Today at 21 lbs and 14.6 oz she has made a huge jump up to the 50 percentile. Her height has consistently stayed at 50%. Her head gets remeasured by the Dr every visit, why, because it is big. Not off the charts big, but 75% big. Looking at her I don't think that she has a big head, but I do buy her hats that are bigger than her clothes size.

 I asked if it is normal and he said it is perfect and head size is hereditary and then he said "so who has the big head?" Patrick and I both pointed fingers at each other so our pediatrician broke out the measuring tape and measured both of our heads. Hilarious and so fantastic that he is so much fun. Guess whose head is off the charts big... Patrick's! Patrick said she can blame him for her big head and blame me for her big feet, says the man who wears a size 13. 

He predicts that she will be at least 5'10 and that she will have a big jump in height throughout her toddler years. 

She is still definitely allergic or very intolerant to dairy. We were again advised to take her to the allergist and now that she is 1 year and still having issues, we will make the appointment. 

He advised us to wait on trying out peanut butter until we know for sure what her allergies/sensitivities are. She is a really good eater and doesn't turn anything down. She loves her fruits and vegetables. She now eats what we eat with the exception of a few things. She is very entertaining to eat with and everything is yum, yum, yummy with every bite. 

She runs wild through the house with her walkers and she thinks it is hilarious. She has a wagon for her mega blocks that she climbs in and waits for daddy to take her for a ride. She is a fearless thrill seeker. She has found her confidence in hers stride and is now walking on her own. She still likes to reach for my hand and walk with me all around the house and it is adorable. 

She takes big girl baths on her own with our supervision and she loves it. She has also moved up to her big girl carseat another milestone that she is loving. 

Everyday is a thrill and a blessing, even when it is a month long of sick days. 

Delilah: 11 Months

Delilah's 1st birthday is just 24 days away!

Good thing that we had a professional photo shoot this month because trying to take Delilah's 11 month photo was almost impossible. She is so fast, so funny and full of personality. She made this out to be a fun game of making mom chase her all around her room. 

Movement: She is still crawling very fast, standing up and taking a step or two before getting so excited over standing that she falls down and laughs hysterically. She is cruising on any piece of furniture or item that we will let her. The vacuum is her new favorite way to get around. Maybe she will love to clean like her daddy. We have been giving her more freedom to roam and she is getting into absolutely everything. Baby proofing has been taken to a whole new level and the house is going on the market in the spring, we have outgrown it. Her dance moves are very entertaining. The minute she hears music, she shakes her booty. She has moves like Elvis and I have no idea where they came from. 

Words/Babble: Momma is still her most spoken word. She now says papa and dada daily which especially thrills Patrick. He will walk in the door and she will crawl to him, give him a big smile and a hug and say "Hi Papa". It melts us both. When she eats she says "yum, yum" and when she is thirsty or sleepy she says "baba". On Thanksgiving day while visiting my moms she said "grandma" while playing with my mom and repeated it 5 times. We are working on puppy & Ellie. She currently just squeals like crazy in excitement when interacting with the puppy. 

Play: Delilah loves to play with her toys and throw them all out of her playpen. She thinks that is the best game ever. Anything that she can beat like a drum and make loud noise with rocks her world. Anything musical that she can dance along with also provides tons of fun and entertainment. I love watching her play when she doesn't know that I am watching. Each day she interacts more with her toys and stuffed animals. It is adorable. 

Food: This girl loves to eat. If you are eating in front of her you better be willing to share. Broccoli and bananas are her favorite finger foods. We still haven't pin pointed if dairy & grains are an issue or not. We continue to re-introduce and eliminate them from her diet. Patrick still makes her delicious baby food blends of fruits and vegetables. 

I just can't believe that my next milestone post will be her 1st birthday. We are so very lucky to have this sweet baby girl in our life.

Look who is 10 months old!

Delilah is 10 months old today!

For as long as I carried her in my belly, she has now been a part of our world! 40 weeks! I felt like I was pregnant forever. Maybe because she took so long to conceive, maybe because I didn't feel great most days or maybe because she is our 1st and I have been waiting for her for as long as I can remember. 

She is full of giggles. Hours and hours of giggles. This girl knows how to have a good time and she now wants/needs constant entertainment. She gets a little nervous at first in front of a crowd and may even show you her bottom lip, but give her a few minutes and she really turns it on. 

She is still crawling at a high rate of speed and practicing her walking skills. She walks all around the furniture and wants to climb everything. When she holds our hands to walk, she takes off running. We have been busy rearranging furniture and opening up as many spaces as we can. 

Her hair is looking more golden to me with a tint of auburn. The blue in her eyes is fading away and green seems to be her dominant eye color. She is still not as tall as everyone thought she would be. She stays around the 50% range with each visit. The pediatrician is still expecting her to have a big leap in the charts every time he looks up at Patrick. She is 18lbs and right around the 20% range which is a increase from 10% at 6 months. 

She still has an issue with dairy and oats and has to go see the allergist. She has 3 teeth which have disrupted her fantastic sleep pattern. We have been trying to get her back on track and I'm sure once she starts sleeping though the night again more teeth will be on the way to disrupt her again. 

Everyday is so much fun with this little one. She has grown and changed so much over the months I can only imagine what 1 year will bring. I'm sad to see my little baby turn into a toddler, but I'm also excited for all that her toddler years will bring. 

9 Months & Fabulous!

Delilah May is 9 months old!

This past month has been full of so much growth and development. 

Delilah has been crawling for some time now, but she has mastered her crawling skills now and is really, really fast. Chasing after her is a real workout. She pulls herself up to stand on anything that she can get her hands on. She can stand up on her own without assistance or something to hold on to and she makes it about 1 or two steps until she falls on her tush. She is fearless and my guess is that she will be walking on her own very soon. 

She still snuggles, but only when she is sleepy and ready for a nap or bedtime at night. I miss our days that were full of snuggle time. Her baby days are turning into toddler days much too fast. We have been so lucky and spoiled to have a baby who has slept through the night from very early on. This past month however we have not been so lucky. We have been waiting and waiting for her teeth and they have finally started to arrive and they are making a loud entrance. 

On September 28th after a long couple of nights, Delilah's first tooth broke though her gums. Her first tooth was a top tooth. It is all the way through the gum and drops down a little each day. A few days later her second tooth arrived this time a bottom tooth right below her new top tooth. Her second tooth is all the way out of the gum and working its way up a little bit each day. Number three and four are on their way out. Delilah is trying to figure out what these new things are in her mouth. She now sucks her thumb on the side of her mouth away from her teeth. She has also figured out how to bite things with her new extremely sharp teeth. The other night she latched onto my nose and it was not fun for me. It was like being attached by a wild animal. She was hanging from my hair, biting down on my nose and kneeing me in the face. Patrick & Delilah thought it was hilarious! Momma took a time out after the abuse. Who knew a 9 month old could beat you up. 

She still has an allergy/sensitivity to oatmeal. By now she should have outgrown an oat protein intolerance so I tried to re-introduce oatmeal into her diet. Same reaction as always, and it isn't pretty. She breaks out in a rash all over her chest of tiny little bumps like prickly heat. The bumps are raised and they get real raw and itchy and they stick around for weeks. Along with the lovely rash, oats give her awful tummy and digestive issues. With an oat allergy/sensitivity we have to really take a good look at all of the ingredients in her foods and body products. 

Patrick has been making Delilah's baby food every night. He is having so much fun coming up with new recipes for her and his meals are delicious. I feed her while he cooks our dinner, yes he does 99% of the cooking in our house, I'm super spoiled. While she eats after every bite she says "momma, yum yum!" It's adorable! Patrick tries to explain to her that he made that delicious meal for her and she just keeps going with "momma, yum yum!" I love it! He might stop cooking for both of us soon. 

On Monday she has her 9 month check up and I am looking forward to seeing our pediatrician, I love him. He is wonderful with us and the baby. I'm interested to see what he has to say about the oat intolerance and I'm excited to see how much she has grown since her 6 month check up. I am not however looking forward to her shots. Now that she is older and more aware I have a feeling it will be much more traumatic for her and me.

 I can not believe that we are so close to her 1st birthday. Trying to plan a 1st birthday party during the holiday season will be a bit of a challenge. Our family is full of holiday birthdays so this isn't anything new for us. I have visions of a winter wonderland party and I hope that we can pull it off. I better get to planning! 

My encounter with Ben Harper

  

                                NATE AZARK, GRAPHIC DESIGNER & PHOTOGRAPHER

Every year when Ben Harper comes to town, I claim that day as my religious holiday. Ben Harper's music is a spiritual experience for me. Being in his presence and experiencing his music live cleanses my soul and renews my spirit. 

When I went through the most challenging times in my life, his music got me through it and comforted me. It gave me hope that all things would be ok. 

In perfect harmony, in some of the best times of my life his music was there to celebrate and keep my spirit lifted. 

Many of his songs hold a very special place in my heart where I hold a memory from my life experiences be it good or bad. The emotion that he puts into every word that comes out of his mouth can only come from a man who has lived a life of love and pain. A man with the heart, soul and courage to feel real emotion and express it. 

I do believe that most things in life happen for a reason and that you can to a certain degree manifest your own destiny. I also believe that there are some things that are just completely out of our control. 

A few years back I was challenged with some of the most painful months of my life. Too many things were all happening at once. The worst of them was my fathers cancer diagnosis. 

I was on a flight back from Charleston, SC after visiting my dad. I was full of emotion and the entire flight home I listened to my Ben Harper albums on my IPod. Zoning out into the clouds in the sky and letting my mind relax. When I arrived in Chicago and made my way to the baggage claim Ben Harper was standing there right in front of me. I was certain that I was definitely hallucinating. 

Once I realized that this was definitely reality, my heart started to race. He was standing there peaceful and all alone. I am not one to make a scene and I definitely did not want to bother him but if I did not say something to him then I was going to regret that for the rest of my life. 

As I walked closer to the baggage claim and closer to Ben Harper so many words rushed through my head. There is so much that I would like to express. I wanted to tell him how much his music has meant to me throughout the year. I wanted to thank him for sharing his talent with the world. I wanted him to know that the music he makes changes lives and makes the world a better place. 

My shyness was taking over, the words in my head were beginning to jumble and I was looking down at the floor. Then the most amazing thing happened. Ben Harper grabbed his phone from his pocket and when he looked down towards the ground he noticed my foot, yes my foot. He looked at me and he said "nice ink".  I know that I thanked him and that I talked really fast most likely telling him all about my tattoo. Then a bunch of words came flying out of my mouth and I'm not really sure how they all came out. I tried to tell him all the things that were running through my head. It must have all come out ok because the conversation ended with a great hug. He was wearing the softest baby blue hoodie and he smelt so fresh and clean like freshly folded laundry. 

Ironically, that night he was in town to play a show at The Park West. The Park West is a music venue that my father opened, owned and operated in the 70's. I knew after my meeting with Ben Harper that everything was going to be ok with my father. Today my father is happy, healthy and living cancer free.