Deep thoughts on Gratitude & Sadness

The hard drive in my iMac fried. I knew the day would come as it had reached what apple calls vintage status (5 years old) and it had been acting up for some time now. Blogging from my iPad or iPhone just isn't the same. I need to be in my office, at my desk during my sacred alone time with pandora radio on. There is a short window in each day when I get that sacred alone time. It's called nap time and bed time. This doesn't mean that I do not love every minute of my time with Delilah. Everyone needs some alone time each day. Its good for the soul. 

Thankfully my new iMac has arrived! I am back in my office, at my desk with pandora radio on enjoying some me time. My mind is full of thoughts as the last two weeks have been pretty eventful. During my little downtime from the blog, I received some very sweet emails, check-ins and well wishes regarding our infertility struggles. These sweet, thoughtful messages mean so much to me. I have really started to learn who I can and can not talk to about this. 

The reason why I share my story is because my situation might just help one other women not feel alone in this. I am very much aware that their are other women/couples whose infertility struggles are far more challenging then mine. I have many people in my life who are facing infertility and unsure of what the future will hold for them. I am so grateful for the women in my life who share their stories with me. Thanks to one of them, we now have a new fertility Doctor. 

I know how very blessed that we are to have Delilah in our life. If you know me personally, you know that she means the world to me. Nothing could take that away from me. Everyday I am eternally grateful that she is mine. If she is the only child that we ever have I will always feel eternally blessed. 

I could never sit here and say that I do not feel sadness over the fact that we have not been able to have another child up to this point. In some ways, trying for our 2nd and not being able to get pregnant brings on more emotion than the first time around. This time we do have one very amazing child. One very amazing child who we so desperately want to give a sibling. This baby is for all of us. I am human and I experience human emotions. I fully believe that it is ok to feel extremely blessed, eternally grateful and full of joy and still feel sadness at the same time.

A sweet message from my sweet friend Jessica