Our twins story

As I try to cope with the loss of one of our twins, I've been thinking back on the joy that this twin pregnancy brought me. I didn't want the story of our twins to be untold. 

After miscarrying in December, finding out that we were expecting again was extremely exciting. I was overjoyed and certain that this was going to be a successful pregnancy. There was not a thought in my mind that I would miscarry again. 

I woke up one morning with Delilah by my side. When she opened her eyes she looked at me and said "mama is having two babies, sister please!" I wasn't supposed to take a pregnancy test for a few more days. I was feeling pregnant, it hits me instantly every pregnancy, and I could get her words out of my mind all day. The following morning I took a test and it was instantly positive. 

That morning I went to my Dr and had a blood test. A few hours later I received a call that pregnancy hormones were flowing through my body and my numbers were excellent. They continued to draw my blood every 48hrs and my numbers continued to rise dramatically. I was definitely pregnant and feeling it. 

Morning/all day sickness came on strong and became so bad that I ended up in the hospital. While in the ER, I had an ultrasound. Our first ultrasound was scheduled with my Dr for the following morning. The ER ultrasound ended up being my first ultrasound for this pregnancy. In the ER, they do not show you or tell you anything during the ultrasound. It was terrifying. 

After one of the sickest days of my life and an all nighter in the ER, I lay freezing in my hospital bed at 5am waiting for the Dr to come in with the ultrasound results from radiology. Finally the Dr came in and said "the BABIES look great!" I was beyond thrilled to be expecting twins! It was an absolute dream come true. 

After a very long night, I was discharged from the hospital just in time to make it to our scheduled ultrasound with my Dr. We were finally able to see our two beautiful babies! They were side by side and absolutely perfect. We saw and heard their heartbeats and their hearts, growth & development were perfect. I was overjoyed and felt like the luckiest girl in the world even though the pregnancy sickness has been absolutely awful. Our next ultrasound was scheduled for two weeks later. My Dr continued to track my hormones with blood test and my numbers continued to be excellent. 

This past Thursday we went in for our ultrasound. I was so excited to see our babies again and to see how much they have grown in the past two weeks. Right away both babies came up looking absolutely perfect on the screen. They had grown beautifully and their measurements were absolutely perfect. If you read my last blog post, you know what happen next. One baby's heart stopped beating. 

I fell apart over this news. I was looking at my babies side by side so perfect. How is it that ones heart can just stop beating? 

The past few days have been extremely difficult. I greatly appreciate all of the sweet messages, support and encouragement. I know that I have to be strong for the other baby, myself, Delilah & my family but I also need to feel this and let myself grieve.