This gloomy day is welcomed today as another cycle has ended with a negative test. After weeks of feeling ill from another round of progesterone, now I enter into the withdrawal phase as I go off the progesterone and prepare to start a round of clomid.
I go back and forth in my mind and heart on how much longer I can go on with this. My body is taking a hard hit and it breaks my heart every time that I have to tell Delilah that mommy is sick and I have to rest. I don't want her to see me this way and I don't want her to remember me this way. But I know that she wants this baby just as much as we do and I don't want to give up without knowing that we did absolutely everything that we could for a 2nd child.
There isn't any part of me that wants to go on clomid. I have tried to find every possible way out but this drug seems to be our only hope. I have to find a way to love and accept this drug. I think about the babies that I personally know who were conceived with the help of clomid. Their sweet faces give me hope and strength for this next round.
|Artist: Erik Otto|