Friday, February 28, 2014

Healing from within

I have been having a pretty intense pain in my body for the past couple of weeks. I was very much aware of it but also ignoring or some may say neglecting it/myself at the same time. After weeks of pain, on Monday of this week I finally sought treatment. 

On Monday I went to see my chiropractor, who is the very best. I was so locked up that I was difficult to manipulate. Afterwards I was sore as expected. Throughout the week I physically did the things that I needed to do on my end.. ice, heat, epsom salt baths, exercises etc.. Things were moving in the right direction but the pain in my body was still very intense. 

Tonight I went back in for treatment. Somewhere during my massage treatment it hit me. Something that I am so familiar with. Something that as a massage therapist myself is a huge part of the treatments that I give and something that as a client I have experienced before. Emotional release! 

As therapists, no matter how educated we are and how much experience we have, when it comes to our own bodies and our own emotions we tend to neglect ourselves at times just like everybody else.

Tonight I realized that I am still grieving over the miscarriage. My body has been holing onto a lot of the anger that I have not let myself express. I was in such a hurry to move forward that I did not give myself the time that I needed to heal. 

There is so much to be said for how much we can all learn from our bodies. My muscles have had a tight grip on my ribs for some time now. I got to the point where I physically could not breathe. 

After a very healing treatment tonight including a good cry, I feel like my body has started to let go of the emotional hold it has had on me. I know that this process of healing is going to take some time, but I am so grateful to have had this breakthrough tonight. 

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Dandelions in the park

 I just had to share this sweet short story from our trip to California that will forever warm my heart. 

We stayed at a beautiful hotel in Pasadena. The hotel had a wonderful courtyard which was a magical place for Delilah to run, play and discover. We arrived to an area of the courtyard with steps and a fountain. There was a darling blond, long curly haired 3 yr old boy playing there as his mom & dad sat on the steps and looked on. Patrick & I also sat on the steps to look on as Delilah played. Delilah and the little boy immediately locked eyes. The little boy ran into the grass where he gathered a bouquet of dandelions. He ran up to Delilah with all the confidence in the world and introduced himself as he gave her the bouquet of flowers and asked her to join him and play. She excepted his generous gift and offer to play and she gave him the sweetest smile/flirty smirk as she reached out for the flowers. Then she looked over to us for our approval with so much love in her eyes. 

They played together throughout the courtyard and gardens for 40 minuets of complete bliss. They discovered secret spots and played make believe as their imaginations ran wild. I cried, smiled and laughed the entire time watching then together. My heart was so full. When their play time came to an end I was sad to see them part. I daydream that they will be reunited again someday in their adult life. 

I hope that Delilah will always remember how sweetly this boy treated her and never except anything less.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Trying to conceive after a miscarriage

Today I feel defeated. After the process of the miscarriage had ended, I was able to pick myself up and move forward by finding the good in the bad. The good being that a problem within my body had been found and there was a simple solution, that being progesterone. I was very optimistic that pregnancy would now come easily and successfully. 

Some people believe that great expectations bring on even greater disappointments. I believe that there is great power in positive thinking. If I can visualize a positive outcome, then the positive outcome will be. 

Today my emotions are very high. This month was not a success. My mind is flooded with negative thoughts that I usually do not invite. My mind is trying to tell me to give in and give up. For the first time, there is a part of me that doesn't want to keep fighting so hard for another child. I still want another child so very much but I am discovering that the pain of not being able to conceive after a miscarriage brings the pain of the miscarriage back to the surface. 

I'm sure that the hormones that I ingest every night have my emotions on a wicked ride. I think that I just need to let myself cry and embrace my sadness today. Tomorrow I will pick myself back up and continue to fight. 

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Twelve in 2014 - February

12 in 2014

If you didn't catch my January Twelve in 2014 link up, I am linking up with one of my favorite bloggers Jessica and some other lovely bloggers and posting one photo of Delilah each month this year. I'm certain that with the ridiculous amounts of photos that I take of Delilah each day, I could post a photo a day for the entire year. However, I love the idea of picking just one extra special photo to represent each month. 

Embracing Winter & all of her Beauty

Monday, February 10, 2014

The love of Dance

It is very possible that I may shed tears at every dance class Delilah has. I don't know how some of the other parents do not even watch their children. I can't take my eyes off of Delilah while she dances. She loves to dance so much and she shines so brightly in class.                                                           
Tonight was her last Monday night class because she has been moved up to a more advanced class which thrills us. She was the youngest dancer in her class and now she will be dancing with two & three year olds who have been dancing longer and are more advanced then the group that she started with. 

Saturday mornings are our new dancing days and I hope that she loves her new class just as much if not more. Her new dance instructor is the owner of the dance company and she runs a tight ship in her class but still keeps it sweet and fun. We met her last Saturday when Delilah danced in her Saturday morning class. She is an older women with a beautiful accent and the children love her. Watching all of the tiny dancers give her hugs as they left the dance studio warmed my heart. 

Delilah has a dance recital in June and you can bet that I will be hysterically sobbing along with my husband. 

Monday, February 3, 2014

January in review: Part 2

A continuation of January in review: Part 1 

We spent some time discovering the snow, and there has been a lot of it.  

We celebrated Grandma Bells birthday and we cheered on Andrew at hockey with Grandpa Mike. 

During our extra time indoors we snuggled to keep warm from the cold, danced ourselves to sleep and practiced our high kicks .

My heart healed this month as much as it ever will from the loss that we experienced in December. I feel like I have come to a place of peace with it. A place where I can move forward and start to once again try for another baby. I am 100% certain that my strength comes from being the mother of the most beautifully spirited child. 

Sunday, February 2, 2014

January in review

January was such a blessing for us. The month started off with a new year ahead.    A blank canvas to be filled with love and happiness. 

January also begins with Delilah & Patrick getting a little bit older. We had a big snow storm for their birthday which is exactly what Patrick always hopes for on his birthday. Notice the exhaustion on his face? He just got in from working 48hrs straight. Grandma "Ba" was here for 48hrs. of fun with Delilah before the storm sadly sent her home early.

To celebrate Patrick, we had one special night out this month for his traditional birthday hibachi dinner with the soon to be Newsomes & the Dudashes. It was a much needed fabulous night with wonderful friends, great food and laughter. We were back home and in bed with Delilah by 10pm. I know, we are so old! In fairness our night started at 5pm and another storm was on it's way so Patrick had to head back out to plow after just a couple of hours of sleep. 

Delilah started dance class which is rocking my world. After a week off due to the polar vortex, she dances again tomorrow. I may not get any sleep tonight due to the excitement of seeing her dance.

The cold & snow is not keeping us from having fun. We have had some super fun play dates this month. Delilah, Patrick and I are so blessed to have such amazing friends.

There is so much to share in this month in review that soon I will post a part 2. 

Happy Super Bowl Sunday friends!