Sunday, June 23, 2013

Fertility Treatments: Round One Decision

Continued from Round One: Fertility Treatments

Sometimes when fear starts to set it, I take whatever measure necessary to improve or fix the situation. I almost gave in and picked up my prescription to get started on round one of fertility medication tomorrow. Sometimes blogging really helps me work some stuff out. After much consideration, many conversations, so much love and support and a good amount of research, I have decided to hold off on conventional treatments for right now. 

It's in my nature to go the natural way. Tomorrow I have an appointment with a very accredited acupuncturist/herbalist, that I am very excited about. I did have many acupuncture treatments when trying to conceive Delilah which were very relaxing and maybe beneficial with another acupuncturist who I did enjoy, but I did not feel connected with me completely. I think that tomorrow's appointment is really going to enlighten me and greatly benefit me. This is a journey that I am very much looking forward to rather than the prescription drug journey that I have been dreading.

Some say my methods are voodoo, I say it is science, nature and harmony.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Round One: Fertility Treatments

Here we go again. As some of you may already know or have read in past posts, we have been trying for another baby. We struggled with fertility in getting pregnant with Delilah but for some reason, maybe just wishful thinking, I thought that it would be an easier process this time around. I was actually very surprised month after month when I was not pregnant. I thought that we had it all figured out this time around. I have been relatively calm and relaxed and much less emotional throughout this process this time. However, with each passing month, it becomes a little more heartbreaking and fears of not being able to have another baby set in. This past month, I found myself breaking down. It didn't last long since I was hiding in the bathroom so Delilah didn't see me cry and now that she can open doors she came running in and gave me a big hug and a kiss and before I knew it I was laughing hysterically on the bathroom floor with my sweet baby girl. 

Yesterday, my Dr. labeled me with unexplained infertility again. This label makes me crazy. There has to be an explanation and I am determined to figure it out. My body was made to carry children and I will carry another baby. My Dr. explained to me that it is time to start fertility treatments again. I said absolutely everything to try and change his mind or talk him out of it but he feels strongly that this is what we need to do. I love my Dr. and I have full trust in him but my last experience with fertility drugs was not a pleasant one. I don't even like to take 1 Advil for an aggressive migraine. If there is a way that is drug free, that's the way for me. These drugs are aggressive and the side effects are awful. My prescription was called in and it is sitting in a bag waiting for me to pick it up. I am set to start my first round on Monday. If I do not start on Monday, I will have to wait another month. I keep going back and forth in my mind on if I want to just get started and stop putting off the inevitable, or if I want to give it one more month in hopes that a miracle will happen. 

To be continued.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Happy Birthday Addison & Mason!

Two of my favorite, beautiful babies are turning 1 & 3! I wanted to do something special for them & their fabulous parents to celebrate. Their mom Katie and I took them to a fantastic park and I played photographer for the day as I learn to use my new camera.  We had so much fun and the little ones really turned on their beauty & charm. 

Happy Birthday Mason & Addison! I love you!



Addison Rae




All my love,

Monday, June 10, 2013

A lesson in Kindness

We don't go to church. I don't think that there is anything wrong with going to church, it's just not for us. I am very spiritual. If I were to categorize my beliefs, I would say they are a mix of Buddhist, Hindu and moral beliefs. I don't judge what works for others. At least I do my best not to. I was baptized catholic, I had my communion and confirmation. I studied world religions in college and throughout life, I found what works for me.

No matter what you believe, I think it's good to check in with yourself and take a good look at yourself from time to time. We teach our children very basic stuff to guide them to be the best that they can be and to be good to others. Behaviors that we remind them of on a daily basis over and over again. 


*Treat others as you would want to be treated
*Be Nice
*Say your sorry
*Don't hit
*Think for yourself, don't follow the crowd, if Sally jumped off a bridge would you?
*Say please and thank you
*Acknowledge people, say hello and goodbye

You get the point. Very simple stuff and behaviors. We spend our days and years repeating these simple morals and manners to our children but as adults do we practice what we preach? I have noticed that we expect more from our children then we expect from each other as adults. After becoming adults, have we all just been let down so many times that we all just lose hope in humanity and eventually go with the they don't care so why should I attitude?  I value family and friendships. I want to do my best to be a great example for our children. 

Trust me, I have had my fair share of ups and downs in life. I'm not perfect, I have my moments. I have been let down and I have let people down. I expect a lot from people. Some say too much, but I don't expect anymore than I give. I think that children can teach us so much about being kind, loving and generous to each other. Maybe we should all listen closely to the words that we tell our children and let them be our role models. 

Saturday, June 8, 2013

There is a stranger at my door and I am nearly naked

The top half of the front door to our house is a glass window. A glass window that the entire world can see into. We had custom made blinds covering the window until we adopted our dog 3 years ago. Someone rang the doorbell when we were not home and she destroyed them. I have shopped and tried to find anything to cover the window and unless we have something custom made, which we will not since we are selling our home, we are out of luck. Time and time again I have asked my husband to help me figure out a covering for the window since I do not want the neighbors to see my nakedness. He would go out to the mailbox and get the mail naked if I would let him so the window at the front door doesn't bother him.

Yesterday, I had Delilah down for a nap. Ellie was also doing what she does best all afternoon and napping in the living room. I was getting myself ready since we were going to leave the house once Delilah woke up from her nap. 

Tip toeing across the hardwood floors IN MY UNDERWEAR, I made my way to our laundry room. I walked in to our front hallway and came face to face and made direct eye contact with a man standing at our front door looking in. I was standing 5 feet from him IN MY UNDERWEAR! So, what is a naked girl to do? The closest thing to me to get out of sight was our coat closet and I jumped right in and stood there repeating to myself, go away, go away, go away! Did he go away like a good man should, NO! He stayed at my door and started knocking and ringing the doorbell. I'm in the closet, I can't leave the closet without him seeing me and the only thing in the closet to cover myself with would be a rain coat and I didn't think that would make much of a difference from my current look. The ringing and knocking set Ellie straight to the door in a rage. She was now on top of the door trying to eat him alive through the glass. Delilah is now awake screaming at the top of her lungs and the man is still at my door. Finally, Ellie calms down which means that he has left. I run to Delilah to comfort her and then I find some clothes to throw on. I went back to the front door to find a flyer with a note on it. He stood at my door with me naked in the closet, my dog trying to destroy him and my baby screaming to write a note on his flyer to my husband. 

My husband is a general foreman for local 134 IBEW. This man at my door, who my husband does not know, is campaigning for some local 134 guy who is running for some sort of office. There is so much politics involved in the union. He left a note on the flyer saying, Patrick, sorry I missed you. We appreciate your support. Your fellow IBEW bother Bill Hasting. Guess what Bill... Since you seem to know so much about my husband you should know that he obviously is not going to be home in the middle of the day. It is really frustrating that my husband works such long, hard hours and we have to deal with all of these political phone calls and now men showing up at our house in the middle of the day to get his vote. 

If you show up uninvited to someones door and a women in her underwear walks past the door not expecting to see you and then hides in the closet and clearly is not going to come to the door and then you wake up the baby... Run. Run very, very fast. Next time I will release my dog. 

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Sugar Detox

Sugar and I have had a long standing love affair. We are about to take a break and maybe even end our love affair for good.

Six months after having Delilah, I was still holding on to a ridiculous amount of baby weight. Baby weight that I may not have gained if sugar wasn't the only thing that I could eat that wouldn't make me sick while pregnant. Over the nearly 1 year process of trying to conceive Delilah, I found comfort in sugar. 

From August until November of last year, I strictly followed the Ideal Protein plan. In 90 days, I lost 40 lbs. The plan is very strict and some people thought that I was crazy for doing it. I felt the best that I have felt in  a long time while on the plan. It eliminates all sugars, even fruit, carbohydrates, nuts and dairy. Even certain veggies like carrots that are high in sugar. The first week was the only week that was painful for me. It is amazing what your body goes through during a detox. The 4 day headache was one of the worst I have ever experienced and I am a migraine sufferer. 

Thanksgiving week was my last week on the plan. I had reached my 1st goal, and to be honest, I wanted to have Thanksgiving dinner. We were also getting ready to start trying for another baby and you absolutely can not follow the plan while trying for a baby. My Dr reminded me of that many times. I needed to be off the plan for 3 months before trying to conceive so Thanksgiving was the perfect time to end. 

Most people said that I would gain it all back after going off the plan. Well, it has been 6 months, and I have not gained 1 lb. I actually lost 5 additional lbs shortly after going off of the plan. I learned a lot about food, myself and my body throughout the process. I have been frustrated lately because I would like to be back on the plan. Each month that passes that I am not pregnant I think, I could still be following my Ideal Protein plan. 

I have found myself hitting the candy again to deal with each passing month that there is not a baby growing inside me. I will not do this to myself again. Sugar might make me feel better at the time, it's really my only vice, but it makes me so sick in the end.  

So, this time around I am going to deal with this much better. Tomorrow, I will be sugar free again. I expect to feel awful for the next few days as the sugar leaves my body, but it is so worth it in the end. 

I'm sure I will be crying over my daughters blueberries & raspberries in the morning. The thing that I missed most last time around was fruit. I quickly got over candy and I'm sure it will be the same this time around as long as my husband cooperates and does not bring anything tempting into the house. 

More to come.